Trending: FWB (Friends With Benefits)

This one is for all of my female readers who have experienced, or are currently experiencing that awkward phase between being single and being in a relationship. This is about that trippy stage in life when the idea of making a life long commitment brings more fear than not having enough money to pay for bottles for your next house party. I'm talking about the "midlife crisis" status for those people who are between the ages of 18 and 25. (FWB stage for older women is called Cougar Craze, and Hefner Happy for older men - Blog Coming Soon!).  Despite the fact that this can be the most memorable part of a young persons life (a.k.a The Roaring 20's), it can also be one of the most unbearable, especially if you are the person in this situation knowing that this is not a circumstance that you want. Here is where I give a few hints - to female readers - on how to avoid simply being another temporary tasty trend, a fabulously fading fad or an easily replaceable routine.  

WARNING: This post is not intended to insult any male audiences. 

Image Credit: Nick Galifianakis

It is a known fact that men and women develop at different paces. This seems to be especially true for intimate relationships. I have a feeling that at some point between Puberty Place and Adulthood Alley, both sexes made a point to cross paths, leaving me to question this awkward location: WTF Way! The term relationship is already a word that holds a lot of weight, and because of that weight, many young adults prefer to hold out until later - whenever that may be. And this, I understand. There are a number of valid reasons for why people decide to put off entering into relationship; recent reak-up, primary focus is on a career, financial troubles (YES! You need $$), or just made parole and are no longer about that "I'll-do-anything-to-please-another-person-even-if it-means-I'll-go-to-jail" life. Again, I understand. However, what I do not understand is a person wanting all of the benefits of a relationship without having the courtesy to define/label it and give it the appropriate title. 

Yes! I am arguing that FWB is the modern day default choice of many people because they choose not to move forward towards a relationship, or regress and label it as a friendship. See ladies, what is more than likely going to happen is that you will get sucked into the most unfortunate place on WTF Way, which is a decorated dungeon shared between the Sex House and the Friendship House - the Bump Buddy basement. (Dun Dun Dunnnnnn!) Without a doubt, the worst feeling about FWB comes when feelings are realized for the person with whom you are intimately involved. It's reminiscent of a heartbreak. Being in an FWB situation does not promise the same amount of happiness that can potentially be present in an actual relationship. With FWB: All sex. Some fun. No love. 

Granted, some people may want these circumstances. But for those who do not, here are 3 ways to avoid giving the other person all of the authority to label your situation, and labeling you a FWB. 

1) Make Intentions Known: By telling your partner what your expectations are in the beginning of the relationship, you keep him on his toes. It also gives him a chance to rethink whether or not you two are on the same page at that particular point in your lives. Opening up in the beginning leaves no room for confusion later. Most importantly, stick by what it is that you claimed to have desired at the start. Do not change your mind and settle for what it is that he desires alone. Your feelings matter too. Never waste time by trying to please someone else, as there is a great chance that you will only be cheating yourself. By stating what you expect from this arrangement in the start, you keep the ball in your court. Play well!

Image Credit: SimplySquaredAway

2) Set A Time Limit: Not too long ago, a close friend told me that she sets time limits on new romantic arrangements. This time frame of 3 months was intended to give both parties a good amount of time to get to know each other before either became too comfortable. The default plan of action that hints that people have become comfortable is FWB, which is simply adding sex into the mix. Adding sex to an arrangement can be good for short term satisfaction, but it will never be helpful if the objective is to commit to a long term relationship. When two people become too comfortable with each other, they have a tendency to forget the goals of the relationship. This is never good, as it will only result in one person taking the lead, often leaving the opinion of the others behind. Always be the first one to suggest a change of pace, especially while everything is still fresh. Moving in a direction where one person takes control is not healthy under any circumstance. A partnership is a bond between two persons and not one. Action should be done together. Let the 3 month period act as a check point in your arrangement. Use it to decide what should happen next, or if you are happy with now. 

3) End It: If all else fails and he continues to play games, LEAVE. There is nothing worse than staying with a person who does not want the same things as you do. If you have been dating for less than 3 months, it shouldn't be too hard (I don't mean to be insensitive either). If you have been dating for 6 months or longer, this may be the hardest part. But think of what is best for you! Settling for someone who verbally acknowledges the fact that the two of you are not on the same page is a big NO-NO. It may be harder to leave, but it'll be worth it in the end. 

So, there it is. Yes, there are tons of other routes that can be taken to avoid this situation, but these are the ones that I think are best. Relationships are already difficult. Hope I made someone's process a little bit easier.