It's a rare occasion if you catch me off-guard by anything. Some things, maybe - but that's a huge maybe. Due to my awareness and ability to command what lies ahead, I often find myself being told that I'm over-planning, over-thinking, and even overdoing certain things. My reaction: "Well uh! I want to ensure that what it is that I expect actually happens." Applying this to my academic career has not proven to be a terrible habit. My plannings and thinkings and doings have all contributed to my many successes in school, placing me in a great position for when I graduate. Applying this to my personal life may have not been the best idea I've ever had. And yes, I'm admitting this with a smile.
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I am not too open to everyone about my personal life, but there is something to be said about what I have learned so far. Granted, I have learned a lot from the people I've dated, but I think that much is owed to one person in particular.. who will remain nameless for privacy purposes.
I recently read about how 20 something year old women tend to think and act like 30 something year old women. In essence, we plan out what it is that we want from life, and expect that each person who is in our life should act according to the plans that we have for ourselves. We rarely stop to think about what role it is that the other people wish to play in our lives, whether they be present for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. We plan, too far in advance, our weddings and house blueprints and funerals before we've ever had date number 3, money for the current month's rent or a diagnosis. Our thinking is beyond what is in front of us. While it is always awesome to plan ahead, I've learned how important it is to live in 'today.'
I spent a great deal of time worried about my future because I wanted to be sure that nothing got in the way of what it is that I wanted. I, like many others, was always taught to have backup plans because I should always expect that things will not go the way I intended. Growing up as a single child, however - and an intelligent one at that - I made sure that I worked hard enough to get what it was that my heart desired. Being an adult, I thought it should work not differently than it did before. So, in vocalizing my future plans to my partner in casual conversation, I learned a lot about the person as well as myself. While I have yet to decide whether or not I was ready to learn these things, I am certain that I am happy the conversation was had.
During the conversation, ultimately, I learned where my partner viewed as his 'finish line' in life; the place he would consider himself after having been deemed a success by his own standards. I learned what beliefs my partner had for himself, in comparison to mine and realized that a lot of things can change over a one-year time span (Note: we had this conversation before and I recognized the differences in responses). Now, I will not say that the stars must be aligned and by the end of the conversation we realized we were made for each other - because that's definitely not seeming to be the case - BUT! I will say that the conversation about future plans, and the drastic differences in our responses since the first time we conversed showed me that it isn't necessary to be too detailed with the plans that you make for yourself.
I wanted to be a singer as a little girl, then an actress, then a fashion designer, then a detective, then a teacher, then Beyonce, then a rich woman working for a Fortune 500 company, and then my aspirations to be other people simply stopped. I kept changing directions based on who I thought would be good for me to emulate. Not so long ago, I committed myself to a new profession, life-long goal that was not too detailed, and would only have a positive affect on the people in my life, whether they were in it for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
I committed myself to being happy.
Yup, it's as simple as that.
Will I think of the next step to take in my life as I pass milestones? Of course. Will I plan the next step with my partner in mind? Probably not. The article was right about this: Your 20's are suppose to be about freedom to do what it is that make you happy. And if you are not completely sold on the person who is occupying the place next to you, or if the person does not seem completely certain that the two of you are moving int he same direction, or (in short), if there is any doubt about anything, I would not plan with that person in mind. Move forward with life making the most of it.
Remember that Nature Knows Best: what is meant to be will always be.
Best to all the ladies,
MM :)
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