Shit That Kills: Lies

The majority of my blog posts are positive. If they aren't positive, then they are about turning negative attributes into positive ones. This was not intentional, just something that was brought to my attention. As of recent, a series of events have occurred in my life that aren't so positive. Not knowing how to spin it into something optimistic, I chose to neglect the blog and put the pen down. To be completely honest, I saw nothing hopeful about my circumstances. Just because I saw nothing hopeful, however, doesn't mean that someone else didn't.

Like a stubborn damsel in distress I ignored my knight and shining armor's advice concerning the impediments that wouldn't simply leave me alone and kick rocks, and chose to wallow in my own mess. Looking back, bad idea. But that's not the moral. It wasn't until it was told to me that writing during the times of trouble/heartache/distress/shit are the moments worth recording that I found real inspiration. So, my apologies to my readers, and thank-you O Wise One for endowing me with the strength to write about the shit that bugs me. 

- - - 

 Lying

Photo Credit: Google

The worst type of liar is the person who believes their own bullshit. If you come across a person who is comfortable and confident about feeding you scenarios that never happened, words that sound too hard to believe or blessings that don't seem genuine, then you have a serious problem on your hands. It should come to no surprise, however, that many people have come to believe that the 'white lie' is real, and therefore excuses anyone from telling the absolute truth - all of it. This is the biggest piece of shit I've ever heard! How are you going to lie, label it with a color, and be excused from the bullshit you just fed me?! What the hell?! Is the color meant to be a distraction of some sort? If you need a color to label the lie then you need to step your lie game up, because it must not have been that good in the first place if you need a gimmic to validate it. 

Photo Credit: Google

And this whole, 'partial truth' - stop it people! It's called lying by omission! Yes! I said it! If you didn't tell me the whole truth then You. Are. LYYINGGGGGG. There is no grey area for me when it comes to lying. Either its right or wrong, left or right, truth or lie, God or the Devil... you can't be in the Michael phase of your life. 

[For those of you who don't know, that's the name given to Lucifer (aka Satan), when he was the leader of all angels, before he was banished from Heaven. This would be considered a gray area. NO! You're the Devil or not. See that photo to the right: NOT POSSIBLE! No cute Devil's. Not real. Stop it. That's it.] 

I will not lie and say the I am perfect. I have lied before for a variety of reasons. I do, as a young woman now, have certain standards to which I hold myself, however, because I know the pain it can cause. It is UNACCEPTABLE to lie in a relationship; whether it is intimate or with a close friend, and parents... unless you are financially independent of them and stable on your own, because then whatever you're lying about it probably none of their business, and they can't shut off your phone, light, heat, water, starve you, cut you off the insurance plan, etc. 

It is an insult, in my opinion, if you believe that the person you are lying to is not worthy of knowing the truth. It is soooo annoying when the truth finally comes out and the liar looks stupid and feels bad, knowing they shouldn't have done it in the first place. More than anything else, TRUST is broken. I'm told that it takes 7 good things to happen in order to undo one bad. Doesn't that sound expensive to you? I'm talking EXPENSIIIIIVEEEE, especially if you really want that person to trust you right away. Then again, the problem with that is the person will probably no longer believe your efforts are genuine since you're rushing to fix the issue. See, in this situation, everything is just a hot mess. Avoid it. 

- - - 

This post was inspired by an experience I had when someone really close to me lied to my face. The result? Forgiveness. Moving forward... My advice? Forgive a person for every mistake they made... but keep track of the shit that kills, because forgiving someone for the same thing twice means it's not a mistake and is no longer acceptable. 

Photo Credit: Google

Best,

MM :)

Nature Knows Best

It's a rare occasion if you catch me off-guard by anything. Some things, maybe - but that's a huge maybe. Due to my awareness and ability to command what lies ahead, I often find myself being told that I'm over-planning, over-thinking, and even overdoing certain things. My reaction: "Well uh! I want to ensure that what it is that I expect actually happens." Applying this to my academic career has not proven to be a terrible habit. My plannings and thinkings and doings have all contributed to my many successes in school, placing me in a great position for when I graduate. Applying this to my personal life may have not been the best idea I've ever had. And yes, I'm admitting this with a smile.

- - -

I am not too open to everyone about my personal life, but there is something to be said about what I have learned so far. Granted, I have learned a lot from the people I've dated, but I think that much is owed to one person in particular.. who will remain nameless for privacy purposes.

Photo Credit: Google

I recently read about how 20 something year old women tend to think and act like 30 something year old women. In essence, we plan out what it is that we want from life, and expect that each person who is in our life should act according to the plans that we have for ourselves. We rarely stop to think about what role it is that the other people wish to play in our lives, whether they be present for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. We plan, too far in advance, our weddings and house blueprints and funerals before we've ever had date number 3, money for the current month's rent or a diagnosis. Our thinking is beyond what is in front of us. While it is always awesome to plan ahead, I've learned how important it is to live in 'today.'

Check out the article from Elite Daily here: http://elitedaily.com/women/20-something-women-need-stop-thinking-like-30-something-women/634789/ 

I spent a great deal of time worried about my future because I wanted to be sure that nothing got in the way of what it is that I wanted. I, like many others, was always taught to have backup plans because I should always expect that things will not go the way I intended. Growing up as a single child, however - and an intelligent one at that - I made sure that I worked hard enough to get what it was that my heart desired. Being an adult, I thought it should work not differently than it did before. So, in vocalizing my future plans to my partner in casual conversation, I learned a lot about the person as well as myself. While I have yet to decide whether or not I was ready to learn these things, I am certain that I am happy the conversation was had.

During the conversation, ultimately, I learned where my partner viewed as his 'finish line' in life; the place he would consider himself after having been deemed a success by his own standards. I learned what beliefs my partner had for himself, in comparison to mine and realized that a lot of things can change over a one-year time span (Note: we had this conversation before and I recognized the differences in responses). Now, I will not say that the stars must be aligned and by the end of the conversation we realized we were made for each other - because that's definitely not seeming to be the case - BUT! I will say that the conversation about future plans, and the drastic differences in our responses since the first time we conversed showed me that it isn't necessary to be too detailed with the plans that you make for yourself.

Photo Credit: Izquotes.com

I wanted to be a singer as a little girl, then an actress, then a fashion designer, then a detective, then a teacher, then Beyonce, then a rich woman working for a Fortune 500 company, and then my aspirations to be other people simply stopped. I kept changing directions based on who I thought would be good for me to emulate. Not so long ago, I committed myself to a new profession, life-long goal that was not too detailed, and would only have a positive affect on the people in my life, whether they were in it for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I committed myself to being happy. 

Yup, it's as simple as that.

Photo Credit: Google

Will I think of the next step to take in my life as I pass milestones? Of course. Will I plan the next step with my partner in mind? Probably not. The article was right about this: Your 20's are suppose to be about freedom to do what it is that make you happy. And if you are not completely sold on the person who is occupying the place next to you, or if the person does not seem completely certain that the two of you are moving int he same direction, or (in short), if there is any doubt about anything, I would not plan with that person in mind. Move forward with life making the most of it.

Remember that Nature Knows Best: what is meant to be will always be.


Best to all the ladies,

MM :)

English Literature: #WhyItDoesn'tWork

I've spent years in school taking Honors English courses, assisting students in writing and editing papers, reading magazines and 'classic' English literature, kept a journal and a blog, then took a trip to London to get 'cultured,' and I still don't have a job. Honestly, I pray to God that this diploma that I'm working for is the golden ticket that I need to get a good job to start some sort of career that won't have me begging on the streets. When you think hard enough about it, school is a business, and the student is the client. As a client who has invested a great deal in their services, and is still under-qualified for every job opening in the professional world, leaving me with an 'unemployed' status, I'm learning that there are a few downfalls to being in school.

Photo Credit: The Traveling Squid

Now wait! I am not saying that education is not something that I value. What I am saying, however, is that the primary means for which we are having to attain the education sets us up for... very little. 

You must either believe in luck, have a network of high-profile people, or be related to anyone who works in the position you wish to be in for people to even consider taking a look at your resume. I was told by a professional at my school that by taking classes, reading books, writing articles, networking and patience is all that was needed for me to land the perfect job that allows me to do what it is that I want to do with my degree: write for a company who needs a writer. Unfortunately, every person I've spoken to who works as a writer has told me that the last thing that I need to do is take more classes in English literature. Apparently, the classics are not a bit of help in the professional world of writing. That's right! Austen, Bronte, Wilde, Shakespeare, Ibsen, etc. are doing nothing for me. I'm starting to see the textbooks as supplementary goods to the overall product (a college education). "So... what good are they?" I ask. 

Photo Credit: Google

I'm learning to be more open to the word 'alternative,' especially since most things have not gone as planned since the end of the last school year. I have had to come up with different ways to occupy my mind, make money, make time then divide it amongst the people I care about. I have had to become creative with my plans for the future. I have used resources, ones that my school librarians would not recommend (like Google), to research ideas on how to make the most of the time that I have while I'm not in a classroom. 

As I mentally prepare myself to reenter the dreaded room of individual seats and creaking desks, I challenge you think of new ways to invent the life that you wish to live. Imagine a world where books were the only teachers, and all knowledge was simply handed from the author, then you went into the world more informative than whence you began. Imagine a time where you were your own teacher: the world (exotic countries, cities, etc.) would be your textbooks, interactions would be your projects, the amount of friendships you accumulated would be your grades, and the constant enhancement of happiness would be your pay. 

Photo Credit: NBC

See, I told you I believe that education is important, but I feel it needs to be redefined. Formal education has turned into a means for reinforcing social hierarchies. The flaw is in the whole ranking system, however, being that some people are simply bad test takers and grades will, therefore, never reflect the amount of knowledge they have acquired from a particular course. My point? Every thing is not always as it appears. I mean, my English literature classes had syllabi with a whole host of 'great' authors listed next to the names of the texts I'd be reading. I'm sure no one fathomed that they would only end up being of most use to me by being sold on Amazon. 

Question everything people.

Best,

MM :)

When I Suck For Free

Contrary to popular belief, it is not that difficult to be the kind of person that anyone would like to be around. Do you have to do certain things? Yes. Will you end up sacrificing a bit of yourself for causes that you may not want to support? Maybe. Have I done it? Sure. Who hasn't. Will I do it again? NOT! Twenty years young, and I am no longer into pleasing others the way I once was when I was in middle school. I am much more into being myself, maybe even more of myself than people can handle from the start, just to test a person's ability to handle it all. Recently, I've been told that people gravitate most towards those persons who would show characteristics of being "real" (expressing the entire spectrum of emotions) than "fake" (one more than others, ONLY when in the presence of particular people). Now, if more '"fake" people are going to come my way so they can feed off of my positive energy, then I'd rather be "fake" for the moment and suck for free.

Image Credit: HDWallpaper

I have not heard anyone tell me that I am a difficult person to be around, but I do imagine that I can be when I want to be (like everyone else in the world). In saying that, it is not difficult for me to get someone to dislike me. This is something you want to be careful with, however. The worst case scenario will end up in you showing your ass to someone who means something to you. Don't be stupid.

Image Credit: ThePajamaPundit

The trick to getting someone to not like you is doing all the things that irritate them. Be the annoying little sister that every man would be more than grateful not to have ever had. Do your best to go out of your way to bug the hell out of that person. Make sure that you are consistent in your pranks, unforgiving in your actions, and words. Make it hurt! I say this with confidence because it has proven to work. I am not saying that I do not like people - I love the company of others. However, in the words of Keri Hilson, everyone has a breaking point. When I have reached my breaking point, I am not the friendliest person to be around. I would even recommend staying away from me at that point.

Despite this immature advice, it works. If it is not your cup of tea, I advise you to be mature about it: walk up to the person and tell them that you want them to leave you alone. If that is not clear enough, ignore them.

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Image Credit: WallpaperStock

On a more serious note: life is TOO short. Settle your differences amongst those people who have qualities that you dislike, and make life an easier living for yourself and others.






Stay happy!
MM :)

The Conjuring (2013)

Image Credit: Wikipedia

 I have always been one for encouraging spontaneity. An unplanned movie date with my mother and friend turned into one of the best surprises that I have had in a while. Nothing against the people (I love you both), but the excitement came more from the movie of choice - The Conjuring. 

 It was a tale of good vs. evil. The plot evolves as it is revealed to the audience that one family has a problem (the Perrons) which can only be alleviated by means of the other family (the Warrens). The issue: particular persons, who are characterized as being a part of the supernatural world, have attached themselves to physical objects and other living people, in order to continue to perform the very evil acts that had taken place in the home years ago. In an effort to restore things to normal, an exorcism is performed on those who have been abducted by the evil spirits. To say whether the exorcism is a complete success would be unfair to those who have yet to watch the film. I do not think that anyone would mind, however, a slight glimpse into the movie screen with this before-credit roll quote:

"Diabolical  forces are formidable. These forces  are eternal, and they exist today. In a world that scoffs at ghosts and laughs at the unusual, the Warrens deliver a contrary message. That message is this: The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists. And for us, as people, our very destiny hinges upon which one we elect to follow." Ed Warren

Image Credit: Rolling Stone

 This intrigued me. Not only was it an unexpected end to a terrifying movie, but it forced the audience to freeze, grab their last kernel, and reflect. Having just participated in watching this movie, I was taken aback by how subtle, yet powerful, the presence of this one quote had on me. The message was nothing but an intrusion on my thoughts, and strong enough for me to consider it as an entry for my blog. There is no mistaking, however,  that this was the director's intent; the desire to merge fantasy film with reality. I know the actual happenings in the movie frightened me a bit, but the final moments in which I processed this fact is what I consider most concerning. 

 Knowing that the circumstances present in the film actually happened, and observing the intense real-life terror that was experienced for this family, is the shocking experience that all movie-goers will receive. But the shock of knowing that your life is connected to their experience is the real thriller. You just have you see it.

Enjoy! 

MM :) 

It's Your Hump, Make The Most Of It

Everyone knows what a rebound is. For those who are unsure, or unfamiliar with the term, you've missed out. (Thankfully for you, I'm here to keep you up-to-date) A rebound is most popular as basketball terminology, referring to a ball that bounces back after striking the rim of the basketball hoop. However, it is going to be used in this post as it is often referenced in the modern day dating scene - also found on urbandictionary.com - "someone you date/go out with to keep yourself busy and you use him/her to keep your mind off your ex you (possibly) still have feelings for." Now, while this seems like a great prospect, there are a few damaging steps that can sprout from this circumstance... but who wants to talk about that?! I certainly won't. I am going to vent for a bit, however, about what you SHOULD and SHOULD NOT do to avoid any misunderstandings between you and your rebound, keeping them in their place (FRIENDzone) and you in yours (FREEzone).

Image Credit: Marni's Wing Girl Method

The WORST case scenario for a rebounding situation is that... well... the rebound traps you and you end up in a real relationship. This is no bueno (no good). Imagine: it's taken a while for you to exit one relationship, mostly because you still have attachments to the ex, and your rebound catches you at the most vulnerable time of your life (this may be over exaggerated), then you say... "OK." This kind of situation appears from a series of SHOULD NOT moves that have been made on both ends. The sequence of events usually happens like this...

POUR UP - breakup - HEAD SHOT - rebound - PASS OUT - sex - FADED - engaged  

Ok... maybe you don't come out engaged, but the pressure equivalent is pretty damn close, and the feeling of being in that new relationship is just as burdensome. Granted, an engagement is a beautiful moment in anyone's life. But what good is the right person if it is not the right time? Somewhere between  passing out and being faded, you both found yourselves in a clouded space, feasting on lust crusted hors d'oeuvres served on a wooden head board, and are convinced it feels so 'right.'

Image Credit: Beyonce Music Video

Let's be clear: the only thing that feels 'right' is the attention. Face it... had you not consumed so much that you became a life size bottle of Everclear, now slobbishly accessorized with purple and green Mardi gras beads, you would not be in the present circumstance, wondering how you are in a new relationship. Sulk, cry, drink and eat your weight in ice cream while watching Waiting To Exhale and listening to Not Gon' Cry (Mary J. Blige) - men, do you. But do not let your rebound interfere with this process. They are there to serve only one purpose, and it is not to be your therapist! That's what friends are for.

Image Credit: Young Body Nutrition

The BEST case scenario for a rebounding situation is that YOU pursue the rebound, and finalize a relationship that you are ready and prepared to take on. Though knowing when enough time has elapsed since your last break up is crucial to choosing a time to start dating again, it is even more of a surprise when you allow the person you have chosen for a rebound to slowly become more significant than 'another friend.' By initiating the steps in moving forward, you maintain control. No one can make a move unless you approve - sounds great, right? Well... That's because control over your situation is the 'right' feeling, and one that is always worth experiencing.


Be Happy!
MM :)

Religious Commitments & Intimate Relationships

What is one to do when you think that you've found the love of your life, but they've just revealed that their religion is different from yours? For some people, this may not be a problem. But for others, the difference in religious backgrounds can make all the difference in the way the relationship is handled in the future. This article is intended for the people in the second group, who are actively looking for advice on what to do next. Here, I will offer some advice to help approach this situation.

We all know that interrogation is one of the best methods to use in order to get to know another person, and everyone knows the first date routine lineup: "Where are you from?," "How old are you?," "What's your favorite color?," "Have you ever been convicted of murder," etc. (I'm sure that I'm not the only one who thought it helpful to get all of the the basic information out of the way, as soon as possible, so that I could move on to the more juicier topics). However mundane obtaining these basic facts may seem, one must acknowledge their significance. Personally, I do not think that I ever took the time to realize the value that lies behind these questions. That is, until now.

MY EXPERIENCE...

Image Credit: Henry Lee Battle

Perhaps it is due to the fact that I made the conscious effort to be overly inquisitive, and considered the act of dating as something done for sport, which caused me to reconsider the pace of the relationship I had chosen to involve myself in. As imagined, I ran threw the basic questions and he passed with flying colors. We were so compatible, it was incredible! Time had gone by gracefully, making a short period of time seem longer - a blissful forever - and plans were soon in the making for us to live together. Like any other woman, I wanted to make sure that his mindset was correct (i.e marriage in the future), as residing together is a major step in any relationship. The moment he opened his mouth is the same moment that time came to an abrupt stop. It was at this moment, months later after our relationship had begun, when I realized that I had jumped over an important topic altogether in my first date lineup: religion. And finding out about a partner's religious background at a point, such as this, is a challenge and a half! 

Image Credit: Henry Lee Battle

With conviction, he spoke to me saying, "I wish that religion was not so important to you." Having been raised in a Christian household, and having only ever received Christian private school education, I knew not how to respond. Still in shock at his statement, I thought to myself, "Could he be any more inconsiderate or disrespectful?" Out of my mouth came not, "What?," but a cartoon-like, extended, "WHAAAAAAAAAT?!" How easily angered I became, knowing that a relationship that I had invested in would shortly come to an end provided he could not change his mind about Christianity. I knew this was not going to be the most effective ultimatum that I had ever given to another person, but I desired immediate satisfaction. I did not want to imagine the relationship ending, so I continued with my plan anyway.

RECOMMENDATIONS...

DO NOT CONTINUE AS I DID! Understanding the perspective of other persons is vital in many aspects of life, especially in an intimate relationship. Since I was not in the mood for being patient, I refrained from taking the better route, which includes (not all, but some of) the steps that follow: 

1) Be Calm!: It is easier to overreact to the conflict that arises in this situation, especially if religion/spirituality is prevalent in your life. However tempting it may be to throw punches or hurtful words, it will benefit you more to remain calm and be prepared to talk out the differences. The worst thing that can come from acting out on anger is an irrational decision. No one is ever happy after that. 

2) Compare/Contrast and Compromise!: Although this is one of the steps that many people would rather skip, I find that it is helpful if both parties sit and talk about their beliefs. While many religious people may be opposed to listening to the traditions and values of another faith, I would argue that this could be an opportunity for the couple to grow closer,  despite their differences. One may even be surprised to find out some of the similarities between their religious doctrines! 

Image Credit: Johnny Myers

If it happens that there are some similarities that one can live with, then it may be good to know the the relationship can still be salvaged (as religion can often be a deal-breaker for many people). I do not recommend compromising your faith - that is something that no one should be requested of doing. However, it may be possible to compromise which of the religious/spiritual activities that are done when together and which ones can be done when in the absence of the other partner. Embarking on a religious/spiritual journey can be very beneficial for those who are willing to explore and learn about the things that are important to the one that they love.

3) Be Patient!: If it happens that the two of you decide to engage in the religious/spiritual activities of the other's faith or learn why it is important to your partner, then it is imperative that you display patience at all times. Being that religion has always been regarded as a sensitive topic, there is a lot of opportunity for any conversation to turn sour.   Unlike me, you want to take smaller steps in introducing these practices.

4) Ask About Religion FIRST!: Think long and hard about what questions you choose in your first date lineup. Whereas I once took religion/spirituality for granted, assuming that everyone I dated would share the same religious beliefs, it is now on my lineup list. Knowing what matters to you and presenting those characteristics is more valuable than sharing the same color or food. Ask now and there will be no issues later!

5) KNOW What You Want!: If you KNOW that you are uncomfortable with anyone who shares different religious beliefs, then you also KNOW that you should end it as soon as possible. But, for those who are unsure, take some personal time to decide if the presence of another religion is something that you are willing to embrace or not. You are an individual before you are a person in a relationship. Retain your individuality and make this personal choice count!