It's Too Hard To Be Thankful

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We never worry about our health until it is ours that is on the line. Have you ever noticed that our health is never our own concern until the potential for the worse is staring us in the face? We become the most grateful people in the world once our bad situation has turned around for the better, but are very eager to forget the heartfelt emotions that reminded us of what it meant to be thankful. Man is not consistent. Will we ever be?

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I'm guilty and I know it. I was recently sick and in need of care. I went to the doctor's office, received my medication, and naturally, went home crying because I thought that I was dying. Yes people, I disregarded the fact that my diagnosis was not life-threatening and still went home and cried my eyes out, while eating ice cream and watching Law & Order reruns because I just knew that the doctor was SO wrong, and my self-diagnosis, from which I (the more of a professional than my doctor) received from WebMD was more accurate. Typical, no? 

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Anyway, for over a week, I panicked like no other. This panic was not like any other, this panic involved me having nightmares of my funeral, yelling at my boyfriend because he wasn't fixing the problem (even though he was VERY instrumental in trying to figure out ways to fix the problem, in addition to the medication that I received), crying for no reason or simply because I thought it was so long since I last cried and was, therefore, overdue for another good cry, and overeating (but this is not surprising - I like food). Tests were sent out and results finally came back, and they were 100% certain that I was going to live. I hung up the phone and felt miserable. 

I do not know if it was a question of my faith that got me messed up or if it was simply my reaction to the entire situation. Shouldn't I have known that it wasn't my time to leave the Earth, even after the doctor reported that my life was never being threatened by anything that wasn't curable? Aren't I suppose to feel ashamed/guilty for knowing that I had always taken my health for granted prior to this experience? How depressing it was to know that I may even do it again! 

Welcome to PeopleSuck101! 

It has been a difficult reality to embrace. Am I actually selfish? Do I even know how to be thankful? Am I really thankful for something if I forget about what it is I was thankful for, moments/days/years later? How many times of saying, "Thank-you" is enough? What does it really mean? 

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I was starting to think that "thanks," and "thank-yous" were fillers similar to "really," "actually," "literally," "simply," "very," and the rest of the words that take up a lot of space on a first-year academic paper. I've said the word numerous times throughout my 21 years of living, but I have never said it enough times in one sitting to the point that it made me question what the hell it was that I kept throwing out of my mouth. Words that are often thrown around, such as "love," "hate," and "dream" don't seem to have much meaning in this day in age.  I'm almost convinced that I will add those to my list of fillers as well. (Sad day in the world of an English major). My understanding so far: it's extremely (filler alert!) hard to be thankful! 

Imagine yourself walking around showing appreciation all the time... EXHAUSTING, right? 

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Now, I am not saying that I know the cure for injecting purpose back into these terms. What I am saying, however, is that there may still be hope. Everything starts with a thought. These, my thoughts/reflections, are now yours. Being that thoughts turn into actions, and actions yield change, I trust that sooner or later the world can potentially (there's another filler!) have a better grip on what it means to be thankful, to love, to hate, to dream. 

Use you words wisely people. 

Let's all try to #DoBetter with being thankful for the blessings we have. 

Best,

MM :)

Celeb Special: Blue Ivy's Hair

I have seen this come up online a number of times and I think if Tamar Braxton, Syleena Johnson, and KeKe Wyatt (celebrities who are, clearly, too involved in the parenting lives of the Carters) can comment on this child's hair, than why can't I? Well, as to not stoop too low, I will not be doing that here. I will, however, make a comment on the situation.

Tamar Braxton, Syleena Johnson and Keke Wyatt's comments here: 

http://cocoafab.com/keke-wyatt-syleena-johnon-tamar-braxton-throw-shade-at-blue-ivys-hair/

Photo Credit: Google

It started here: one of the first published photos of a young Blue Ivy Carter being held by her daddy, Sean Carter (Jay-Z). Her face is priceless and her cheeks are scrumptious. Her hair? Um... Let's say it's not what the media expected from the child of ga-gillionaires.

The criticisms continued as there seemed to be a trend of unkempt hairstyles in her future, considering the "sloppiness" of her hairstyles past. Media wanted it to stop, and headlines made crude remarks about the child's appearance. And if that wasn't enough, they blamed Jay-Z and Beyonce for bad parenting. (Yes, that was definitely an *gasp* OMG moment).

Photo Credit: Google

People thought it a fabulous idea to zoom in on her head when taking photos, and actually expect her parents to comment on their harsh words about their daughter. Talks about African-American all-natural hair was already being discussed on the internet, but the emphasis of her 'nappy' head shined a bad light on the entire idea (at least, for children). 

I am more than disappointed by the fact that other celebrities, reportedly, petitioned with other civilians to have the Carters do something about their daughters appearance. 

*SideVent: Theses people have never even touched Blue's hair! Looks can be deceiving. Her hair texture may just be extra thick*

It was only yesterday that I wrote a blog post about the way the media imposes themselves upon the minds of young girls, and here is a great example of this disgusting cycle at work. 

To the women, and MOTHERS, TB and KW, along with the others who made up this stupid petition: I expected more. To the females who are pregnant, carrying young ladies, I hope you know what values you wish to teach because the moment they take their first breath, there is a world out there waiting to criticize them. 

View petition here: http://www.change.org/petitions/blue-ivy-comb-her-hair 

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It is clearer, now more than ever, that females play a heavy role in initiating, and continuing this cycle of defining beauty. While women are motivated for a variety of reasons to alter their looks, it is the female community that pressures other females, who are not following the 'rules of beauty' to succumb to the 'norm.' Blue Ivy is, at most, two years old right now, and is being bombarded with this. I have yet to see a photo of her and her hair that shows that the Carters pay any attention to it. And you know, I hope I never do. Keeping her away from this mess is best, and is what I would do if I were her mother. She is wayyyyy to young to be poisoned with words and photos and makeup brushes. Let her watch Barney in peace! 

To Blue, more power to you, honey!  

Best,

MM :)

Character: The Healthy Couch Potato

I am not a health professional. I am not certified as an assistant, associate nor an advanced note-taker for any health professional. I am, however, a person who has chosen to live a healthy lifestyle, an avid reader of health articles, and a follower of many health Instagram accounts. With a resume like this, I think it's okay for me to go on the following rant.

For those of you who believe that 'healthy' is a word to be tossed around, I would like to be the

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first officially non-offical expert to tell you that it should not be. It is a word that many people take lightly. I've heard it roll off the tongue of a woman who praised her accomplishment of renewing her gym membership in January (along with the rest of the world... every year). She is also the same woman I have yet to see in the gym since the 3rd of that month. I've watched it ooze from the mouth that was being shared with the mushed beef and cheese that was being chewed from a man who said he would start being healthy the following day, and I'm pretty sure that never happened. I've listened to the overly skinny girl who claimed a healthy lifestyle was her forte, yet was certain of her vomiting spree that she thought was kept behind closed doors. I've been around it all. In my day, I may have used it loosely, too. But now, I wouldn't dare!

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So, to my dear person who wishes to see changes in themselves without doing the hard work; to the individual who desires a tight body but refuses to change their diet; the too cheap person who wants to claim #TeamOrganic, #TeamFit, #TeamUpInTheGymJustWorkin'OnMyFitness, #TeamYouWasn'tWithMeWhileIWasShootin'InTheGym, #Team2pack, #Team4pack, #Team6pack, #HardWork, #HardBody, #MyBodysBetterThanYourBody,
#ILoveMySpirulinaMan (this is a shout-out! xoxo), #NothingWithoutMyWaterGallon (ok, I'll stop, xoxo), but are not motivated, determined, or fired up enough about making it happen, I suggest you think about if you really want to rep #TeamMickeyD's, #TeamDiabetes, #Team2Heavy, #TeamHeartAttack, and #TeamProcrastination.

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Now, are many people fine the way they are? Yes! Is this fine? Well, duh. But this one is for the people who talk but don't walk, who claim to be things they are not... fakes. All I'm saying is, if you're about that life, then be about it. It doesn't go both ways.


** Yeah. This thing right here - >> (see image), is a BIG no-no. It doesn't work that way. Sorry (not-sorry).


Remember, you owe it to yourself to be a better you.

Best,
MM :)

Trust Your Gut

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From a young age (nowadays), females are being brainwashed with images of what it means to be an attractive person. While the personality, intelligence, and lifelong aspirations are pushed on the back burner, appearance seems to be the only thing that matters. While I am apart of this generation that emphasizes the importance of keeping up with the Jones' (anyone labeled as a model, mentioned in the media, celebrities, etc.),  I have come to realize that this is not all that matters. Okay... well, I've known this for a while. My reasons for writing this blog post is due to my recent interest in physical beauty resurfacing.

I was teased as a middle-schooler because I was pretty, but my body wasn't built like a black girls.  (Sadly, it began then). I didn't care until it became the trend in high school as well. You needed an athletic build to get attention. (Let's not act as if wanting attention was bad). High school flew by and college came. Somewhere between those two milestones, make-up became the biggest craze. Naturally, I wanted that too. I had never been so critical of myself. When I look back on it, it's a complete turn off. I wore more make-up to my high school graduation than ever before... but I liked it. I was complimented on it. I couldn't see what they saw, but I liked how it felt, and that's all that mattered... I should've did a bit more reflection back then because it must have been a reason I never ordered graduation photos.

Present day and I have not worn foundation, concealer, eye liner, powder, blush, eye shadow, or lip gloss in about 3 months. I've decided my natural face is all that's necessary and here's why:

I looked online and found a ton of imagine of beautiful women who are considered role models for today's females. From models, actresses, music artists, to CEO's and the like; all of them have outstanding profiles and inspiring stories. The media's way of bashing them, however, is by posting photos of women without make-up, fresh cuts/weaves, and open toed sandals with no nail polish. I mean, everyone has their off days, so why are we in total shock if they have them too? Why must a woman be deemed unattractive if she wears the make-up she was born with? What is the value of an hour-glass figure in comparison to one that is built like a pear, apple, orange, or mango (whatever that looks like) - You get my point, right? Just look at the chart.

Photo Credit: Google

If not, here it is: I do not want to promote the overuse of make-up or physical appearance. The keyword: OVERUSE. Too much of anything can hurt you. Does this mean I will never wear make-up again? Of course not. Though I have not used them in a while, I love my Sue Devitt and Juice Beauty lines (JB is organic, by the way- GREAT for skin). I simply will not promote the daily use of it. Will I never workout again? This too is rhetorical. But for those who wish to receive an answer - No. While I am guilty for overdoing the use of the gym, I have decided to remember that 'more gym' does not mean 'better health.' Overexercising can be detrimental to one's health, especially women (so I've learned). I cannot say if I abused the gym for purposes of changing my figure, releasing stress, or maintaining good health. But I can say that I am very aware of the difference. And I choose to keep my gut, thank-you very much.

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As far as my advice is concerned, I would hope that all of the female readers can appreciate my opinions and understand that this is not throwing shade to the work-out-aholics, or face-paint-beauties. If you feel that the way you portray yourself is the epitome of beauty, then go on boo-boo, do you! But for the ladies who are striving to be what you are not, I advise you to take the time to think about what it is that makes you happy about yourself. Of course, the idea of yourself does not change overnight. In due time, it will. Just make sure you are relishing in the true beauty that you have for now. To the male readers who have managed to stay interested in reading this post, and have made it this far, remind the ladies in your life of how much you admire their beauty, INSIDE and out. It is very often that a woman does a great deal of changing herself for her male counterpart.

I do not want to give off the idea that there are some woman who fear being seen without makeup. Here are two that I admire.

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Photo Credit: Nairaland.com

                         




Thanks for reading,
MM :)

Social Cost Of Pornography

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Scenario: Girlfriend finds porn on her Boyfriend's computer, phone, bookshelf, trunk, shoebox underneath the bed, wallet, closet, DVD player and dresser drawer on different occasions. She's upset because she feels that he is, after having looked at so much porn, going to expect so much of her sexually. Now, it's not that homegirl is not confident in her skills to please him, but that she is just not into the kind of stuff that porn promotes. Years later, they marry. Same woman, now called a wife, confronts husband about his obsession with porn because she 'senses' that the porn overdose will make them emotionally distant from each other because she believes that porn is a fake imitation of intimacy that will, inevitably, cause a problem in their marriage. Husband says, "Not really."

I know that his statement was a bit of a dull ending, but it's the response that ends many conversations, unless you are of a violent breed who gets the last word by making sure that the other person is forever silenced. Is this particular scenario fabricated? Yes. It is true? Definitely.

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I overheard a woman in the book store who was complaining to her boyfriend, and following the context clues, I concluded that it was about his interest in looking at the literature he chose to browse in the 'Mature' reading section. Being the sleuth that I am, I walked by to see their faces. The woman was a young, soon-to-be mother, and her partner (I imagine) was no more than 24. He reached for a book that had the cover of Asa Akira on it. If you are not familiar with who she is, I suggest googling her under a private browser. The woman's comments sounded like this, in variation, of course:

"Who would even buy that?" ... "Why are you looking at that?" ... "Is this necessary?" ... "What does this mean for us" ... "Would you want your daughter's boyfriend looking at that instead of her?"                                                                    

  (The last one was how I knew they were related)

Women have a tendency to believe that a man in possession of porn is, somehow, cheating on his relationship with her. Well, I'll tell you right now... I am still uncertain if this is the case. What I do know, however, is that if there is something that two people in a relationship do not agree on, and one person is not willing to be open-minded, or change, then there is little hope for survival. Two addicts in love will always stay in love as long as they never get clean. Is porn addicting? To some.

To the lady whose conversation I heard at B&N last night, I recommend reading up on what Asa Akira is doing if you feel so inclined to believe that he's risking your relationship. Watch, read or listen to it with him. While there must be something about porn that he is attracted to, there is also something about you, my dear, that he loves. Don't be quick to take offense to this late night book browsing at night.


On another note: Do you think that there is a social cost to viewing pornography? What's at risk? Who suffers?


Let me know & comment below.

Best,
MM :)

English Literature: #WhyItDoesn'tWork

I've spent years in school taking Honors English courses, assisting students in writing and editing papers, reading magazines and 'classic' English literature, kept a journal and a blog, then took a trip to London to get 'cultured,' and I still don't have a job. Honestly, I pray to God that this diploma that I'm working for is the golden ticket that I need to get a good job to start some sort of career that won't have me begging on the streets. When you think hard enough about it, school is a business, and the student is the client. As a client who has invested a great deal in their services, and is still under-qualified for every job opening in the professional world, leaving me with an 'unemployed' status, I'm learning that there are a few downfalls to being in school.

Photo Credit: The Traveling Squid

Now wait! I am not saying that education is not something that I value. What I am saying, however, is that the primary means for which we are having to attain the education sets us up for... very little. 

You must either believe in luck, have a network of high-profile people, or be related to anyone who works in the position you wish to be in for people to even consider taking a look at your resume. I was told by a professional at my school that by taking classes, reading books, writing articles, networking and patience is all that was needed for me to land the perfect job that allows me to do what it is that I want to do with my degree: write for a company who needs a writer. Unfortunately, every person I've spoken to who works as a writer has told me that the last thing that I need to do is take more classes in English literature. Apparently, the classics are not a bit of help in the professional world of writing. That's right! Austen, Bronte, Wilde, Shakespeare, Ibsen, etc. are doing nothing for me. I'm starting to see the textbooks as supplementary goods to the overall product (a college education). "So... what good are they?" I ask. 

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I'm learning to be more open to the word 'alternative,' especially since most things have not gone as planned since the end of the last school year. I have had to come up with different ways to occupy my mind, make money, make time then divide it amongst the people I care about. I have had to become creative with my plans for the future. I have used resources, ones that my school librarians would not recommend (like Google), to research ideas on how to make the most of the time that I have while I'm not in a classroom. 

As I mentally prepare myself to reenter the dreaded room of individual seats and creaking desks, I challenge you think of new ways to invent the life that you wish to live. Imagine a world where books were the only teachers, and all knowledge was simply handed from the author, then you went into the world more informative than whence you began. Imagine a time where you were your own teacher: the world (exotic countries, cities, etc.) would be your textbooks, interactions would be your projects, the amount of friendships you accumulated would be your grades, and the constant enhancement of happiness would be your pay. 

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See, I told you I believe that education is important, but I feel it needs to be redefined. Formal education has turned into a means for reinforcing social hierarchies. The flaw is in the whole ranking system, however, being that some people are simply bad test takers and grades will, therefore, never reflect the amount of knowledge they have acquired from a particular course. My point? Every thing is not always as it appears. I mean, my English literature classes had syllabi with a whole host of 'great' authors listed next to the names of the texts I'd be reading. I'm sure no one fathomed that they would only end up being of most use to me by being sold on Amazon. 

Question everything people.

Best,

MM :)