Shit That Kills: Lies

The majority of my blog posts are positive. If they aren't positive, then they are about turning negative attributes into positive ones. This was not intentional, just something that was brought to my attention. As of recent, a series of events have occurred in my life that aren't so positive. Not knowing how to spin it into something optimistic, I chose to neglect the blog and put the pen down. To be completely honest, I saw nothing hopeful about my circumstances. Just because I saw nothing hopeful, however, doesn't mean that someone else didn't.

Like a stubborn damsel in distress I ignored my knight and shining armor's advice concerning the impediments that wouldn't simply leave me alone and kick rocks, and chose to wallow in my own mess. Looking back, bad idea. But that's not the moral. It wasn't until it was told to me that writing during the times of trouble/heartache/distress/shit are the moments worth recording that I found real inspiration. So, my apologies to my readers, and thank-you O Wise One for endowing me with the strength to write about the shit that bugs me. 

- - - 

 Lying

Photo Credit: Google

The worst type of liar is the person who believes their own bullshit. If you come across a person who is comfortable and confident about feeding you scenarios that never happened, words that sound too hard to believe or blessings that don't seem genuine, then you have a serious problem on your hands. It should come to no surprise, however, that many people have come to believe that the 'white lie' is real, and therefore excuses anyone from telling the absolute truth - all of it. This is the biggest piece of shit I've ever heard! How are you going to lie, label it with a color, and be excused from the bullshit you just fed me?! What the hell?! Is the color meant to be a distraction of some sort? If you need a color to label the lie then you need to step your lie game up, because it must not have been that good in the first place if you need a gimmic to validate it. 

Photo Credit: Google

And this whole, 'partial truth' - stop it people! It's called lying by omission! Yes! I said it! If you didn't tell me the whole truth then You. Are. LYYINGGGGGG. There is no grey area for me when it comes to lying. Either its right or wrong, left or right, truth or lie, God or the Devil... you can't be in the Michael phase of your life. 

[For those of you who don't know, that's the name given to Lucifer (aka Satan), when he was the leader of all angels, before he was banished from Heaven. This would be considered a gray area. NO! You're the Devil or not. See that photo to the right: NOT POSSIBLE! No cute Devil's. Not real. Stop it. That's it.] 

I will not lie and say the I am perfect. I have lied before for a variety of reasons. I do, as a young woman now, have certain standards to which I hold myself, however, because I know the pain it can cause. It is UNACCEPTABLE to lie in a relationship; whether it is intimate or with a close friend, and parents... unless you are financially independent of them and stable on your own, because then whatever you're lying about it probably none of their business, and they can't shut off your phone, light, heat, water, starve you, cut you off the insurance plan, etc. 

It is an insult, in my opinion, if you believe that the person you are lying to is not worthy of knowing the truth. It is soooo annoying when the truth finally comes out and the liar looks stupid and feels bad, knowing they shouldn't have done it in the first place. More than anything else, TRUST is broken. I'm told that it takes 7 good things to happen in order to undo one bad. Doesn't that sound expensive to you? I'm talking EXPENSIIIIIVEEEE, especially if you really want that person to trust you right away. Then again, the problem with that is the person will probably no longer believe your efforts are genuine since you're rushing to fix the issue. See, in this situation, everything is just a hot mess. Avoid it. 

- - - 

This post was inspired by an experience I had when someone really close to me lied to my face. The result? Forgiveness. Moving forward... My advice? Forgive a person for every mistake they made... but keep track of the shit that kills, because forgiving someone for the same thing twice means it's not a mistake and is no longer acceptable. 

Photo Credit: Google

Best,

MM :)

Character: The Grown Boy/Girl

Photo Credit: Google

It has been reported that tons of young boys are gathering all of their inner strength to grow longer legs, bulkier arms, 20 pack abs and bear-like facial hair - and are succeeding! This group of youth are often seen walking along the street with over-sized designer clothing and empty wallets. In case of an emergency, these people call Mom Dukes before dialing 9-1-1. Their profession is to successfully feign the life of a grown man though the truth remains: he is a grown boy. 

Photo Credit: Google

It has also been reported that a large number of young girls are stretching their budget to adorn themselves with grown woman trinkets. Necklaces and bracelets, rings and high heels that are beyond their budget - still being labeled as original - are discounted look-alikes. These young girls are the ones who claim to be happy with themselves, yet have a caramel skin complexion on the face and dark chocolate color from the neck down. Carrying a toddler with Jordan's on the feet and taking him to grandma's place to restock for more. Their profession is to successfully feign the life of a grown woman though the truth remains she is a grown girl.

- - - - - 

As a young adult, I have recognized that growing up is a process for which many never get a hold of. I am certain that there are a number of instances when I act more mature than many expect, and other times when I prefer to exude my carefree side. However, I will openly admit to both. For the grown boy/girl who feels that it is not okay to be honest about your level of dependency on parents, friends or government, think again. Many people do not have the revelation that they must act as an adult, whether it is convenient or not, until around age 24 (women) or 26 (men) . . . [these numbers came out of thin air, just my guesstimate]. The reality is: life isn't easy, and it would be much more difficult without the help of others. It is even more unfair to the people who've assisted us to not give them thanks.

Best,

MM :) 

He Made Me Do IT With A Smile

I have anger issues. I denied it before, but I must admit: I am extremely impatient. I do not like waiting. Though it is a virtue - as we all have been told - it is something that I have not yet channeled within myself. Patience. The word itself sounds so reflective and zen-like that it makes me get a headache simply thinking about it. It's on the top of my list of loaded words along with its cousin, Tolerance.

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Once upon a time, I would consider myself very self-aware. It wasn't until recent that I recognized that a breach had formed between my mind, body and soul. I was not in tune with what was going on with me externally (the forces from the outside world) and internally (the pressure I put on myself). Overwhelmed with wanting immediate change, I took extreme measures. Within a few hours, I declared myself a 2x/day gym goer, only healthy/clean eating foodie, student pursing writing goals and online classes obsessor and an avid reading money-maker. Setting, what I now understand to be, long-term goals to be accomplished in the short-term time period did more damage than anything as I was burnt out and worse off than from when I started. I felt more than defeated, and I had myself to blame. 

- - - - - 

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Fourth of July weekend came around and I spent it with a person who I have always known to wear a smile. His dimples and flouride-free whitened teeth made me melt. I watched his chest expand and he stole the fresh air from the life giving trees that surrounded us on the nature trail. I envied his freedom. I wanted his passion for relishing in the beauty of breathing. Although I was jealous of the relationship he had with a natural environment, I was humbled by being able to witness it. 

Photo Credit: MM, Thank-you Sean :) 

My boyfriend doesn't "do" pictures, so his phone is hardly ever in view. We followed a variety of trails and I wanted to capture it all and send it to every social media app that I could get to work while in a remote place. He made it a point to never look directly at the camera. I didn't understand the importance of it, but now I do. Every still image I managed to get of him on our mini-adventure is of him with his back towards me, admiring the heights of the trees, the sturdiness in their trunks and the rhythms of the stream. He used the time to take in what he saw. I used the time to take in his experience.  

Granted, I did not record the entire trip, but a bunch of it is on camera. After spending 2 hours walking trails, reviewing footage and scratching mosquito bites, I've come to the conclusion that I am happiest when I am around people who make me happy. The familiar smile on his face relaxed me. His heart - full and loving - made happiness contagious. My recommendation: always smile.

- - - - - 

You're probably wondering what the first and second part have to do with each other. You know, how does patience and smiling come together to make a successful blog post. Well, from my experience, they are directly linked together. Here it is:

Everything that we do in life is done, ultimately, to achieve some kind of happiness. The disconnect that I had with myself needed to be resolved because, for me, it was so overwhelming that it stood in the way of my happiness. My decision to be happy was a choice. My original method for achieving it was incorrect because it was unhealthy, leaving me at the same place I was when I started. Smiling, laughing, and surrounding myself with a person enhanced my level of happiness, and it took a while for me to figure it out. 

Photo Credit: darealtalk.files.wordpress.com

It does not take a lot for us to be happy. Cherishing moments, such as the one I had, can be the key to a happier life. Yes! I said it: truly being present - without a phone, computer, SnapChat, Pinterest, FB, Instagram and the like - can increase your happiness. I was more than taken aback when I remembered what I had always known: a smile is worth more than gold... its priceless! 

I have made it a point to smile more often and live in the present. I expect to take each day one step at a time sans camera and sans overuse of any other distractions. I would hope for everyone to find one special thing that has brought them happiness, recognize it for what it is, and love it in the moment as you will never have that same feeling again. 

Best,

MM :)

How to: Forgive (Yourself) & Forget (Them)

Photo Credit: kingsleystore.com

Once upon a time there was girl who wanted to do serious damage to her older cousin's basketball because she was hurt by a not so long ago threat he posed to cut off all of the ribbon from the bars of her bicycle... and followed through. Devastated by how her two-wheeler looked with tape on the ends, she planned to end his life. Yes, she would do something that no other younger relative has ever thought to do before. She would commit - - - toy homicide. She kept the image of her darling ribbon plastered to the bars in her mind. She was distraught by how they remained lifeless, tucked behind the sticky contraption was imagined would make it "okay." She recalls every effort she made to save up Christmas money, Birthday money, allowance and lunch money she saved from Mixed-Meatball Monday's. Her mind rested on the fact that the action was done out of fun; he did not care. She knew, however, that the moment she sat on the back porch with a kitchen knife in hand that he would learn to care about her and the value of her treasured property.

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Whether or not it is justified, everyone has been in the position where they have done something to hurt someone else. If you're saying that you haven't, take this moment to think back to when you hit someone on the arm because they hit you first.

 Guilty yet?

Photo Credit: img.webmd.com

Great!

Now that we've established that every person is guilty of having wronged someone, with the intent of hurting them, let's talk about getting over the fact that you felt terrible about it afterwards. Let's reflect on that gut feeling that says, "You're an evil person." Well, remember the old saying, "Time heals?" In most cases, it does. In cases where it does not, let me offer you some comfort. 

- - - 

I am not the same young girl that I was years ago. Will I put a knife in a child's basketball now, as an adult? Of course not. Would I still put a knife in my older cousin's signed- autographed Harlem Globetrotter's basketball? Hmmm... probably not. At this point in my life, I think I'd be most likely to sell it (jk, I don't touch his stuff). Still, the point remains that I would not do the same things that I once did as a child, because I am no longer a child. Should I still feel badly about what I did, years later? Well, that depends on me. I imagine that I would be satisfied if he apologized for hurting my feelings, breaking my ribbon and saying it was done just for fun. None of that happened... at least, not the way that I wanted it to. 

Photo Credit: Google.com

I felt terrible about it the next day, until he told me he probably deserved it after what he did to my bike, and didn't really care too much about the basketball... because his wasn't at our grandmother's house - the same place I live. He told me that his ball was at his house, meaning that my ball... well, was now gone. I like to think that I learned at a young age that karma comes around quite quickly. So... do I regret what I did? Of course... I did, but now, I don't.  

Why do I not live with it? - totally different question. Humans are emotional beings. We attribute factors like love, truth, appreciation, satisfaction, and a whole host of intangibles to our actions (also intangible). Simply put, I like to think that the way we feel is simply a reflection of how our minds are ordered and the way we choose to operate them. If I am constantly thinking about wishing to not having done what it is that I did wrong, I will never learn from my wrong actions - my wrong thinking. If I am consistently trying to distract myself from hurting that person again, I am thinking about the idea of hurting that person, which (I think) increases my chances of actually doing it. 

The answer of how not to live with regret is: 

FORGIVE (YOURSELF) and FORGET (THEM).

I never abided by this rule, as I was always a strong believer that God helps those who help themselves. My terrible logic of God assisting me to put a hole in a basketball that I thought belonged to someone else is remarkably idiotic. But since then, I've forgiven myself and forgotten what he did to bring harm to my emotions. This mantra is for those who truly want to live happily, without baggage of any sort. Trust me, no one is angry about what you did ump-teen years ago but you. 

- - -

Mom: shouting down the hallway, "Don't use it all, B." 

B: shouting back, "I won't." 

Mom closes the apartment door and enters MM. MM in tears. 

Mom: "What's wrong, Booboo?"

(L to R) MM, B

MM: "B took off all the ribbons from my new bike."

Mom: "Did he-"

MM: "I popped his ball."

Mom: "Why would you?-"

MM: "I'm sorry."

Mom: "Tell him." 

MM: "Where is he?" 

Mom: "Look out the window."

MM motions to the window where she can have an immediate view of the driveway. She can see B (her older cousin) carefully applying tape to the torn ribbons from her bicycle. Still, she is saddened by the weight of the deflated basketball in her hand. 

Without moving her eyes away from her cousin, MM beckons her mother

MM: "Do you have a pump?" 

- - -

Live happy,

MM :)

Character: A Bad Boss

I know that I am not the only person who has worked for someone that they don't quite favor. But I've had an experience that made me feel like I was a slave to the mafia. Has that ever happened to you? This is a bad boss.

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Someone who pays you less than you deserve, should earn, and are qualified to make. Someone who tries to get you to empathize with their personal situation as to better inform you of why you are in your situation, and ensure you that as long as their stars aren't aligned, yours won't be either. The kind of person to train you for great customer service, then call you a "newbie" in front of your clients. The kind of person that boasts about their success in public but cries in private. This one claims professional standards through-and-through but turns their head when an employee is in need of personal time. I'm talking about possessing all the qualities of a dictator but preaches the book of democracy. I'm referring to the denials of vacation time, threats to your position and immediate removal if services (not stated in "contract") are undone. In short, the only person who fully deserves to hear every one of their employees say, "I quit."

Best,
MM :)

Character: The Good "Bad" Boy

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He's attractive: Tall, dark and handsome... working a good job (maybe even owns his own business), young and living with his parents (but has a nice agreement worked out where he's pulling his share), drives a car... a really nice car, and wants to spend time with you, but as a side chick. Damn!

It is almost guaranteed that in a world where the population is constantly rising that every girl will meet a few bad guys. I'm not talking about motorcycle, cigarette in hand, James Dean kind of bad, but I'm talking about the "he's going to give you everything you want, and give you everything in return at a price you can afford but should not be willing to pay" breed of bad. This guy can live and breathe luxury, eat and sleep hard-work, piss and shit golden bricks and have the ability to hand you the world on a silver platter... to share.

Photo Credit: Google

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I don't think I need to say anymore than: I urge women to do better when it comes to men. I saw an article of a woman kissing the stomach of another woman who was pregnant... with her boyfriend. I though that threesomes lasted no more than an hour, never more than a year. This was their lifestyle, and though I'm being very judgmental, it was terrible to watch. To know that women give up hope on finding love, refuse to drop the dead weights and move on to something better because that is what they deserve is unfortunate. Don't let a man change your mind around to the point where he has you doing tricks for him.

Don't waste your time, ladies. Everything that glitters isn't always gold.


Best,
MM :)

Character: The Black White Girl

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I am more entertained by the lifespan of this label than I am by its application to me. Living in Newark wasn't the best, but I made it through, and out. That's right! At age 14, I was in boarding school. Contrary to public belief, I was not sent away to a military camp, nor was I being punished because I was uncontrollable. I went, voluntarily, because I had the potential to be even greater than what my elementary school teachers already saw inside of me. I loved reading and writing, singing and acting, dancing and jumping rope. Going to high school, that all stayed the same, but coming home on vacations - to Newark - was different, as my friends and family, on numerous occasions, could no longer recognize me to be the same person who left. I was the Oreo; a white girl in a black girl's body.

My tone of voice sounded different because it had changed. According to the a cappella group that would not accept me my first year due to my raspy-soloist voice, I needed to blend in with the rest of the girls. Joining a choir of predominately white students did the trick! I was a black-pure vocals kind of girl. Any chance of me being like Jazmine Sullivan was suddenly out of the question. My enunciation was noticeable amongst people at home and I could tell that it made some uneasy. You could hear it in my words that I wanted all consonants and vowels to be heard. And thats hur-d, with a capital D. I played sports unknown to many in my neighborhood. Squash was the one that caught them all out of left field. No one knew Squash to be a thing other than a vegetable that was never on sale at the local Shoprite unless it was during the Thanksgiving holiday can-can sale. I had added so many changes to the scaffolding that I originally left home with to the point where no one seemed to understand me.

Clearly, I am not Caucasian. I never have been, nor will I ever be. I missed that opportunity at birth when the DNA from my parents came out 100% A-American. The thing is also that I do not have the desire to be anything other than what I am. But, to the girl who is confused about who she is.. yes: the black white girl....

Photo Credit: Google

Realize that you come from a line of beautiful people who would be highly offended if you had any desire to be anything else. Yes, I'm talking about the girl who is clearly not mixed, but uses gel at any chance she can get to twirl a curl that she got from doing a two-strand twist and calls it natural. I'm talking about the girl who praises Starbucks coffee when deep down, she's a Mcdonald's 99 cent coffee kind of girl. I'm talking about the one who says "like" 25 million times in a sentence, knowing damn well that it doesn't take that long to get one thought together. I'm talking about the girl who has a deep accent from the Caribbean and says that it is only attributed to her parents frequent 'visits' to the place, and not because that is where she is from. I'm talking about the girl who wears labels to defend the theory of her whiteness to impress others rather than the OldNavy bargains her parent's saved up for. The girl who feels entitled. The girl who hides her curves, and only socializes with one race. The girl who is so deep into her own lies that she actually believes she's pulling it off. FYI, this is not me. To the girl who is, please wake up and know that at the end of the day, everyone else can see the difference.

Best,
MM :)

Character: The Unprofessional Professional

You network with someone and they turn out to be the complete opposite of what you thought they were. Here's the example:

Photo Credit: theicecream.org 

They brag about their past accolades, which intrigues you upon initial contact, so you give them an extra five minutes to see where the conversation may lead. When they start talking about what makes them different from other people in their field, you think that you've struck gold and found a person who understands professionalism like you do because all of the things that make them unique are all of the things that you have been seeking in another individual to work with/for. The fact that they cannot seem to take a breath in between their listings of awful past experiences with other posing professionals is thrilling because it's almost as if you've found your career twin- one who knows exactly what it is that you, too, have gone through and would never want to experience ever again. You drown out their voice for a second to think back to the beginning of your interaction, and start to rate the firmness of their grip of their handshake, the truthfulness that lies in their making eye contact with you at all times, the accuracy for the pattern of pleats in her skirt or the accuracy of the tailor's work on the pants of his suit, the brilliance in their dental cleaning, and the way in which their body language screamed "I am Harvey Spector" or "I am Jessica Pearson" in a sway that only a smooth, New York lawyer can pull off on his best day at work. By the time you've zoned back into the conversation, you're being handed a business card and invited to experience their services. You wait for the moment you need them the most - just so that they know that you aren't desperate.

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The day finally comes... and they are late, unkempt, unclean - yes, their office/work space is untidy, unacceptable, and above all... (need I say it?)... unprofessional. They give excuses for everything: their alarm clock was either set to the wrong time or didn't go off at all, their pet needed attention for the first time in the 12 years since they adopted it, their hair situation is a result of rushing and not having been able to take a complete shower, as if to say that taking a half shower is even possible! Their breakfast was nonexistent, which left their stomach practically begging for McDonalds, Dunkin' Donuts, or some cheap, fast-food meal that would hold them over until they were finished with you, because their appetite is of the kind that eats too frequently, and medication has to be taken with food. Speaking of!... the medication has them all over the place emotionally, which is probably why they are disheveled, funky and did I mention, unprofessional?

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When you are working with a professional, these things never happen. I repeat: NEVER happen. So, unless you are ready to take ownership of your own brand and have placed your business as a priority over everything, let's be careful with using the term, 'professional' because there is only one way to 'do professional.' And if you're not doing it right, don't claim to be doing it at all.

Best,
MM :)

It's Too Hard To Be Thankful

Photo Credit: Discovery Research Group

We never worry about our health until it is ours that is on the line. Have you ever noticed that our health is never our own concern until the potential for the worse is staring us in the face? We become the most grateful people in the world once our bad situation has turned around for the better, but are very eager to forget the heartfelt emotions that reminded us of what it meant to be thankful. Man is not consistent. Will we ever be?

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I'm guilty and I know it. I was recently sick and in need of care. I went to the doctor's office, received my medication, and naturally, went home crying because I thought that I was dying. Yes people, I disregarded the fact that my diagnosis was not life-threatening and still went home and cried my eyes out, while eating ice cream and watching Law & Order reruns because I just knew that the doctor was SO wrong, and my self-diagnosis, from which I (the more of a professional than my doctor) received from WebMD was more accurate. Typical, no? 

Photo Credit: Mancard.com

Anyway, for over a week, I panicked like no other. This panic was not like any other, this panic involved me having nightmares of my funeral, yelling at my boyfriend because he wasn't fixing the problem (even though he was VERY instrumental in trying to figure out ways to fix the problem, in addition to the medication that I received), crying for no reason or simply because I thought it was so long since I last cried and was, therefore, overdue for another good cry, and overeating (but this is not surprising - I like food). Tests were sent out and results finally came back, and they were 100% certain that I was going to live. I hung up the phone and felt miserable. 

I do not know if it was a question of my faith that got me messed up or if it was simply my reaction to the entire situation. Shouldn't I have known that it wasn't my time to leave the Earth, even after the doctor reported that my life was never being threatened by anything that wasn't curable? Aren't I suppose to feel ashamed/guilty for knowing that I had always taken my health for granted prior to this experience? How depressing it was to know that I may even do it again! 

Welcome to PeopleSuck101! 

It has been a difficult reality to embrace. Am I actually selfish? Do I even know how to be thankful? Am I really thankful for something if I forget about what it is I was thankful for, moments/days/years later? How many times of saying, "Thank-you" is enough? What does it really mean? 

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I was starting to think that "thanks," and "thank-yous" were fillers similar to "really," "actually," "literally," "simply," "very," and the rest of the words that take up a lot of space on a first-year academic paper. I've said the word numerous times throughout my 21 years of living, but I have never said it enough times in one sitting to the point that it made me question what the hell it was that I kept throwing out of my mouth. Words that are often thrown around, such as "love," "hate," and "dream" don't seem to have much meaning in this day in age.  I'm almost convinced that I will add those to my list of fillers as well. (Sad day in the world of an English major). My understanding so far: it's extremely (filler alert!) hard to be thankful! 

Imagine yourself walking around showing appreciation all the time... EXHAUSTING, right? 

Photo Credit: Deliciouslydarlingevents.com

Now, I am not saying that I know the cure for injecting purpose back into these terms. What I am saying, however, is that there may still be hope. Everything starts with a thought. These, my thoughts/reflections, are now yours. Being that thoughts turn into actions, and actions yield change, I trust that sooner or later the world can potentially (there's another filler!) have a better grip on what it means to be thankful, to love, to hate, to dream. 

Use you words wisely people. 

Let's all try to #DoBetter with being thankful for the blessings we have. 

Best,

MM :)

Nature Knows Best

It's a rare occasion if you catch me off-guard by anything. Some things, maybe - but that's a huge maybe. Due to my awareness and ability to command what lies ahead, I often find myself being told that I'm over-planning, over-thinking, and even overdoing certain things. My reaction: "Well uh! I want to ensure that what it is that I expect actually happens." Applying this to my academic career has not proven to be a terrible habit. My plannings and thinkings and doings have all contributed to my many successes in school, placing me in a great position for when I graduate. Applying this to my personal life may have not been the best idea I've ever had. And yes, I'm admitting this with a smile.

- - -

I am not too open to everyone about my personal life, but there is something to be said about what I have learned so far. Granted, I have learned a lot from the people I've dated, but I think that much is owed to one person in particular.. who will remain nameless for privacy purposes.

Photo Credit: Google

I recently read about how 20 something year old women tend to think and act like 30 something year old women. In essence, we plan out what it is that we want from life, and expect that each person who is in our life should act according to the plans that we have for ourselves. We rarely stop to think about what role it is that the other people wish to play in our lives, whether they be present for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. We plan, too far in advance, our weddings and house blueprints and funerals before we've ever had date number 3, money for the current month's rent or a diagnosis. Our thinking is beyond what is in front of us. While it is always awesome to plan ahead, I've learned how important it is to live in 'today.'

Check out the article from Elite Daily here: http://elitedaily.com/women/20-something-women-need-stop-thinking-like-30-something-women/634789/ 

I spent a great deal of time worried about my future because I wanted to be sure that nothing got in the way of what it is that I wanted. I, like many others, was always taught to have backup plans because I should always expect that things will not go the way I intended. Growing up as a single child, however - and an intelligent one at that - I made sure that I worked hard enough to get what it was that my heart desired. Being an adult, I thought it should work not differently than it did before. So, in vocalizing my future plans to my partner in casual conversation, I learned a lot about the person as well as myself. While I have yet to decide whether or not I was ready to learn these things, I am certain that I am happy the conversation was had.

During the conversation, ultimately, I learned where my partner viewed as his 'finish line' in life; the place he would consider himself after having been deemed a success by his own standards. I learned what beliefs my partner had for himself, in comparison to mine and realized that a lot of things can change over a one-year time span (Note: we had this conversation before and I recognized the differences in responses). Now, I will not say that the stars must be aligned and by the end of the conversation we realized we were made for each other - because that's definitely not seeming to be the case - BUT! I will say that the conversation about future plans, and the drastic differences in our responses since the first time we conversed showed me that it isn't necessary to be too detailed with the plans that you make for yourself.

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I wanted to be a singer as a little girl, then an actress, then a fashion designer, then a detective, then a teacher, then Beyonce, then a rich woman working for a Fortune 500 company, and then my aspirations to be other people simply stopped. I kept changing directions based on who I thought would be good for me to emulate. Not so long ago, I committed myself to a new profession, life-long goal that was not too detailed, and would only have a positive affect on the people in my life, whether they were in it for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I committed myself to being happy. 

Yup, it's as simple as that.

Photo Credit: Google

Will I think of the next step to take in my life as I pass milestones? Of course. Will I plan the next step with my partner in mind? Probably not. The article was right about this: Your 20's are suppose to be about freedom to do what it is that make you happy. And if you are not completely sold on the person who is occupying the place next to you, or if the person does not seem completely certain that the two of you are moving int he same direction, or (in short), if there is any doubt about anything, I would not plan with that person in mind. Move forward with life making the most of it.

Remember that Nature Knows Best: what is meant to be will always be.


Best to all the ladies,

MM :)

Celeb Special: Blue Ivy's Hair

I have seen this come up online a number of times and I think if Tamar Braxton, Syleena Johnson, and KeKe Wyatt (celebrities who are, clearly, too involved in the parenting lives of the Carters) can comment on this child's hair, than why can't I? Well, as to not stoop too low, I will not be doing that here. I will, however, make a comment on the situation.

Tamar Braxton, Syleena Johnson and Keke Wyatt's comments here: 

http://cocoafab.com/keke-wyatt-syleena-johnon-tamar-braxton-throw-shade-at-blue-ivys-hair/

Photo Credit: Google

It started here: one of the first published photos of a young Blue Ivy Carter being held by her daddy, Sean Carter (Jay-Z). Her face is priceless and her cheeks are scrumptious. Her hair? Um... Let's say it's not what the media expected from the child of ga-gillionaires.

The criticisms continued as there seemed to be a trend of unkempt hairstyles in her future, considering the "sloppiness" of her hairstyles past. Media wanted it to stop, and headlines made crude remarks about the child's appearance. And if that wasn't enough, they blamed Jay-Z and Beyonce for bad parenting. (Yes, that was definitely an *gasp* OMG moment).

Photo Credit: Google

People thought it a fabulous idea to zoom in on her head when taking photos, and actually expect her parents to comment on their harsh words about their daughter. Talks about African-American all-natural hair was already being discussed on the internet, but the emphasis of her 'nappy' head shined a bad light on the entire idea (at least, for children). 

I am more than disappointed by the fact that other celebrities, reportedly, petitioned with other civilians to have the Carters do something about their daughters appearance. 

*SideVent: Theses people have never even touched Blue's hair! Looks can be deceiving. Her hair texture may just be extra thick*

It was only yesterday that I wrote a blog post about the way the media imposes themselves upon the minds of young girls, and here is a great example of this disgusting cycle at work. 

To the women, and MOTHERS, TB and KW, along with the others who made up this stupid petition: I expected more. To the females who are pregnant, carrying young ladies, I hope you know what values you wish to teach because the moment they take their first breath, there is a world out there waiting to criticize them. 

View petition here: http://www.change.org/petitions/blue-ivy-comb-her-hair 

Photo Credit: KickUSA.com

It is clearer, now more than ever, that females play a heavy role in initiating, and continuing this cycle of defining beauty. While women are motivated for a variety of reasons to alter their looks, it is the female community that pressures other females, who are not following the 'rules of beauty' to succumb to the 'norm.' Blue Ivy is, at most, two years old right now, and is being bombarded with this. I have yet to see a photo of her and her hair that shows that the Carters pay any attention to it. And you know, I hope I never do. Keeping her away from this mess is best, and is what I would do if I were her mother. She is wayyyyy to young to be poisoned with words and photos and makeup brushes. Let her watch Barney in peace! 

To Blue, more power to you, honey!  

Best,

MM :)

Character: The Healthy Couch Potato

I am not a health professional. I am not certified as an assistant, associate nor an advanced note-taker for any health professional. I am, however, a person who has chosen to live a healthy lifestyle, an avid reader of health articles, and a follower of many health Instagram accounts. With a resume like this, I think it's okay for me to go on the following rant.

For those of you who believe that 'healthy' is a word to be tossed around, I would like to be the

Photo Credit: Getentered.com

first officially non-offical expert to tell you that it should not be. It is a word that many people take lightly. I've heard it roll off the tongue of a woman who praised her accomplishment of renewing her gym membership in January (along with the rest of the world... every year). She is also the same woman I have yet to see in the gym since the 3rd of that month. I've watched it ooze from the mouth that was being shared with the mushed beef and cheese that was being chewed from a man who said he would start being healthy the following day, and I'm pretty sure that never happened. I've listened to the overly skinny girl who claimed a healthy lifestyle was her forte, yet was certain of her vomiting spree that she thought was kept behind closed doors. I've been around it all. In my day, I may have used it loosely, too. But now, I wouldn't dare!

Photo Credit: Uga.edu

So, to my dear person who wishes to see changes in themselves without doing the hard work; to the individual who desires a tight body but refuses to change their diet; the too cheap person who wants to claim #TeamOrganic, #TeamFit, #TeamUpInTheGymJustWorkin'OnMyFitness, #TeamYouWasn'tWithMeWhileIWasShootin'InTheGym, #Team2pack, #Team4pack, #Team6pack, #HardWork, #HardBody, #MyBodysBetterThanYourBody,
#ILoveMySpirulinaMan (this is a shout-out! xoxo), #NothingWithoutMyWaterGallon (ok, I'll stop, xoxo), but are not motivated, determined, or fired up enough about making it happen, I suggest you think about if you really want to rep #TeamMickeyD's, #TeamDiabetes, #Team2Heavy, #TeamHeartAttack, and #TeamProcrastination.

Photo Credit: GravityTrainingZone

Now, are many people fine the way they are? Yes! Is this fine? Well, duh. But this one is for the people who talk but don't walk, who claim to be things they are not... fakes. All I'm saying is, if you're about that life, then be about it. It doesn't go both ways.


** Yeah. This thing right here - >> (see image), is a BIG no-no. It doesn't work that way. Sorry (not-sorry).


Remember, you owe it to yourself to be a better you.

Best,
MM :)

Trust Your Gut

Photo Credit: Google

From a young age (nowadays), females are being brainwashed with images of what it means to be an attractive person. While the personality, intelligence, and lifelong aspirations are pushed on the back burner, appearance seems to be the only thing that matters. While I am apart of this generation that emphasizes the importance of keeping up with the Jones' (anyone labeled as a model, mentioned in the media, celebrities, etc.),  I have come to realize that this is not all that matters. Okay... well, I've known this for a while. My reasons for writing this blog post is due to my recent interest in physical beauty resurfacing.

I was teased as a middle-schooler because I was pretty, but my body wasn't built like a black girls.  (Sadly, it began then). I didn't care until it became the trend in high school as well. You needed an athletic build to get attention. (Let's not act as if wanting attention was bad). High school flew by and college came. Somewhere between those two milestones, make-up became the biggest craze. Naturally, I wanted that too. I had never been so critical of myself. When I look back on it, it's a complete turn off. I wore more make-up to my high school graduation than ever before... but I liked it. I was complimented on it. I couldn't see what they saw, but I liked how it felt, and that's all that mattered... I should've did a bit more reflection back then because it must have been a reason I never ordered graduation photos.

Present day and I have not worn foundation, concealer, eye liner, powder, blush, eye shadow, or lip gloss in about 3 months. I've decided my natural face is all that's necessary and here's why:

I looked online and found a ton of imagine of beautiful women who are considered role models for today's females. From models, actresses, music artists, to CEO's and the like; all of them have outstanding profiles and inspiring stories. The media's way of bashing them, however, is by posting photos of women without make-up, fresh cuts/weaves, and open toed sandals with no nail polish. I mean, everyone has their off days, so why are we in total shock if they have them too? Why must a woman be deemed unattractive if she wears the make-up she was born with? What is the value of an hour-glass figure in comparison to one that is built like a pear, apple, orange, or mango (whatever that looks like) - You get my point, right? Just look at the chart.

Photo Credit: Google

If not, here it is: I do not want to promote the overuse of make-up or physical appearance. The keyword: OVERUSE. Too much of anything can hurt you. Does this mean I will never wear make-up again? Of course not. Though I have not used them in a while, I love my Sue Devitt and Juice Beauty lines (JB is organic, by the way- GREAT for skin). I simply will not promote the daily use of it. Will I never workout again? This too is rhetorical. But for those who wish to receive an answer - No. While I am guilty for overdoing the use of the gym, I have decided to remember that 'more gym' does not mean 'better health.' Overexercising can be detrimental to one's health, especially women (so I've learned). I cannot say if I abused the gym for purposes of changing my figure, releasing stress, or maintaining good health. But I can say that I am very aware of the difference. And I choose to keep my gut, thank-you very much.

- - -

As far as my advice is concerned, I would hope that all of the female readers can appreciate my opinions and understand that this is not throwing shade to the work-out-aholics, or face-paint-beauties. If you feel that the way you portray yourself is the epitome of beauty, then go on boo-boo, do you! But for the ladies who are striving to be what you are not, I advise you to take the time to think about what it is that makes you happy about yourself. Of course, the idea of yourself does not change overnight. In due time, it will. Just make sure you are relishing in the true beauty that you have for now. To the male readers who have managed to stay interested in reading this post, and have made it this far, remind the ladies in your life of how much you admire their beauty, INSIDE and out. It is very often that a woman does a great deal of changing herself for her male counterpart.

I do not want to give off the idea that there are some woman who fear being seen without makeup. Here are two that I admire.

Photo Credit: Google

Photo Credit: Nairaland.com

                         




Thanks for reading,
MM :)

I Want A Dog

Photo Credit: Wikimedia

Here's a random thought: I want a dog. My animal-keeper resume isn't the best, but I must admit that all of my attempts to keep and animal happy have been pretty memorable. I've owned a few fish, found a cat... lost a cat, adopted a dog, was gifted a hermit crab, and there was even that one time I owned a kitten for 19.7 hours. Like I said, my track record isn't the best. Still, I think I deserve another chance.

I want a dog that is as cute as a the Brussels Griffon, but as sharp as a German Shephard. It should be able to snuggle like a Havanese, but snappy like a Chihuahua. I want nothing huge. Some dogs have a tendency to look like their distant relatives - the wolf - and I refuse to walk into my house afraid of my own pet. I don't need a full breed, even though that would be nice, but would definitely like something classy. I've seen a ton of dogs lately and started to think that a dog would be perfect for me.

The only problem is... well, convincing "Someone" to get one.

Social Cost Of Pornography

Photo Credit: Google

Scenario: Girlfriend finds porn on her Boyfriend's computer, phone, bookshelf, trunk, shoebox underneath the bed, wallet, closet, DVD player and dresser drawer on different occasions. She's upset because she feels that he is, after having looked at so much porn, going to expect so much of her sexually. Now, it's not that homegirl is not confident in her skills to please him, but that she is just not into the kind of stuff that porn promotes. Years later, they marry. Same woman, now called a wife, confronts husband about his obsession with porn because she 'senses' that the porn overdose will make them emotionally distant from each other because she believes that porn is a fake imitation of intimacy that will, inevitably, cause a problem in their marriage. Husband says, "Not really."

I know that his statement was a bit of a dull ending, but it's the response that ends many conversations, unless you are of a violent breed who gets the last word by making sure that the other person is forever silenced. Is this particular scenario fabricated? Yes. It is true? Definitely.

- - - 

I overheard a woman in the book store who was complaining to her boyfriend, and following the context clues, I concluded that it was about his interest in looking at the literature he chose to browse in the 'Mature' reading section. Being the sleuth that I am, I walked by to see their faces. The woman was a young, soon-to-be mother, and her partner (I imagine) was no more than 24. He reached for a book that had the cover of Asa Akira on it. If you are not familiar with who she is, I suggest googling her under a private browser. The woman's comments sounded like this, in variation, of course:

"Who would even buy that?" ... "Why are you looking at that?" ... "Is this necessary?" ... "What does this mean for us" ... "Would you want your daughter's boyfriend looking at that instead of her?"                                                                    

  (The last one was how I knew they were related)

Women have a tendency to believe that a man in possession of porn is, somehow, cheating on his relationship with her. Well, I'll tell you right now... I am still uncertain if this is the case. What I do know, however, is that if there is something that two people in a relationship do not agree on, and one person is not willing to be open-minded, or change, then there is little hope for survival. Two addicts in love will always stay in love as long as they never get clean. Is porn addicting? To some.

To the lady whose conversation I heard at B&N last night, I recommend reading up on what Asa Akira is doing if you feel so inclined to believe that he's risking your relationship. Watch, read or listen to it with him. While there must be something about porn that he is attracted to, there is also something about you, my dear, that he loves. Don't be quick to take offense to this late night book browsing at night.


On another note: Do you think that there is a social cost to viewing pornography? What's at risk? Who suffers?


Let me know & comment below.

Best,
MM :)

The Conjuring (2013)

Image Credit: Wikipedia

 I have always been one for encouraging spontaneity. An unplanned movie date with my mother and friend turned into one of the best surprises that I have had in a while. Nothing against the people (I love you both), but the excitement came more from the movie of choice - The Conjuring. 

 It was a tale of good vs. evil. The plot evolves as it is revealed to the audience that one family has a problem (the Perrons) which can only be alleviated by means of the other family (the Warrens). The issue: particular persons, who are characterized as being a part of the supernatural world, have attached themselves to physical objects and other living people, in order to continue to perform the very evil acts that had taken place in the home years ago. In an effort to restore things to normal, an exorcism is performed on those who have been abducted by the evil spirits. To say whether the exorcism is a complete success would be unfair to those who have yet to watch the film. I do not think that anyone would mind, however, a slight glimpse into the movie screen with this before-credit roll quote:

"Diabolical  forces are formidable. These forces  are eternal, and they exist today. In a world that scoffs at ghosts and laughs at the unusual, the Warrens deliver a contrary message. That message is this: The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists. And for us, as people, our very destiny hinges upon which one we elect to follow." Ed Warren

Image Credit: Rolling Stone

 This intrigued me. Not only was it an unexpected end to a terrifying movie, but it forced the audience to freeze, grab their last kernel, and reflect. Having just participated in watching this movie, I was taken aback by how subtle, yet powerful, the presence of this one quote had on me. The message was nothing but an intrusion on my thoughts, and strong enough for me to consider it as an entry for my blog. There is no mistaking, however,  that this was the director's intent; the desire to merge fantasy film with reality. I know the actual happenings in the movie frightened me a bit, but the final moments in which I processed this fact is what I consider most concerning. 

 Knowing that the circumstances present in the film actually happened, and observing the intense real-life terror that was experienced for this family, is the shocking experience that all movie-goers will receive. But the shock of knowing that your life is connected to their experience is the real thriller. You just have you see it.

Enjoy! 

MM :)