Character: The Black White Girl

Photo Credit: Style-abuse.blogspot.com

I am more entertained by the lifespan of this label than I am by its application to me. Living in Newark wasn't the best, but I made it through, and out. That's right! At age 14, I was in boarding school. Contrary to public belief, I was not sent away to a military camp, nor was I being punished because I was uncontrollable. I went, voluntarily, because I had the potential to be even greater than what my elementary school teachers already saw inside of me. I loved reading and writing, singing and acting, dancing and jumping rope. Going to high school, that all stayed the same, but coming home on vacations - to Newark - was different, as my friends and family, on numerous occasions, could no longer recognize me to be the same person who left. I was the Oreo; a white girl in a black girl's body.

My tone of voice sounded different because it had changed. According to the a cappella group that would not accept me my first year due to my raspy-soloist voice, I needed to blend in with the rest of the girls. Joining a choir of predominately white students did the trick! I was a black-pure vocals kind of girl. Any chance of me being like Jazmine Sullivan was suddenly out of the question. My enunciation was noticeable amongst people at home and I could tell that it made some uneasy. You could hear it in my words that I wanted all consonants and vowels to be heard. And thats hur-d, with a capital D. I played sports unknown to many in my neighborhood. Squash was the one that caught them all out of left field. No one knew Squash to be a thing other than a vegetable that was never on sale at the local Shoprite unless it was during the Thanksgiving holiday can-can sale. I had added so many changes to the scaffolding that I originally left home with to the point where no one seemed to understand me.

Clearly, I am not Caucasian. I never have been, nor will I ever be. I missed that opportunity at birth when the DNA from my parents came out 100% A-American. The thing is also that I do not have the desire to be anything other than what I am. But, to the girl who is confused about who she is.. yes: the black white girl....

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Realize that you come from a line of beautiful people who would be highly offended if you had any desire to be anything else. Yes, I'm talking about the girl who is clearly not mixed, but uses gel at any chance she can get to twirl a curl that she got from doing a two-strand twist and calls it natural. I'm talking about the girl who praises Starbucks coffee when deep down, she's a Mcdonald's 99 cent coffee kind of girl. I'm talking about the one who says "like" 25 million times in a sentence, knowing damn well that it doesn't take that long to get one thought together. I'm talking about the girl who has a deep accent from the Caribbean and says that it is only attributed to her parents frequent 'visits' to the place, and not because that is where she is from. I'm talking about the girl who wears labels to defend the theory of her whiteness to impress others rather than the OldNavy bargains her parent's saved up for. The girl who feels entitled. The girl who hides her curves, and only socializes with one race. The girl who is so deep into her own lies that she actually believes she's pulling it off. FYI, this is not me. To the girl who is, please wake up and know that at the end of the day, everyone else can see the difference.

Best,
MM :)

Trust Your Gut

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From a young age (nowadays), females are being brainwashed with images of what it means to be an attractive person. While the personality, intelligence, and lifelong aspirations are pushed on the back burner, appearance seems to be the only thing that matters. While I am apart of this generation that emphasizes the importance of keeping up with the Jones' (anyone labeled as a model, mentioned in the media, celebrities, etc.),  I have come to realize that this is not all that matters. Okay... well, I've known this for a while. My reasons for writing this blog post is due to my recent interest in physical beauty resurfacing.

I was teased as a middle-schooler because I was pretty, but my body wasn't built like a black girls.  (Sadly, it began then). I didn't care until it became the trend in high school as well. You needed an athletic build to get attention. (Let's not act as if wanting attention was bad). High school flew by and college came. Somewhere between those two milestones, make-up became the biggest craze. Naturally, I wanted that too. I had never been so critical of myself. When I look back on it, it's a complete turn off. I wore more make-up to my high school graduation than ever before... but I liked it. I was complimented on it. I couldn't see what they saw, but I liked how it felt, and that's all that mattered... I should've did a bit more reflection back then because it must have been a reason I never ordered graduation photos.

Present day and I have not worn foundation, concealer, eye liner, powder, blush, eye shadow, or lip gloss in about 3 months. I've decided my natural face is all that's necessary and here's why:

I looked online and found a ton of imagine of beautiful women who are considered role models for today's females. From models, actresses, music artists, to CEO's and the like; all of them have outstanding profiles and inspiring stories. The media's way of bashing them, however, is by posting photos of women without make-up, fresh cuts/weaves, and open toed sandals with no nail polish. I mean, everyone has their off days, so why are we in total shock if they have them too? Why must a woman be deemed unattractive if she wears the make-up she was born with? What is the value of an hour-glass figure in comparison to one that is built like a pear, apple, orange, or mango (whatever that looks like) - You get my point, right? Just look at the chart.

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If not, here it is: I do not want to promote the overuse of make-up or physical appearance. The keyword: OVERUSE. Too much of anything can hurt you. Does this mean I will never wear make-up again? Of course not. Though I have not used them in a while, I love my Sue Devitt and Juice Beauty lines (JB is organic, by the way- GREAT for skin). I simply will not promote the daily use of it. Will I never workout again? This too is rhetorical. But for those who wish to receive an answer - No. While I am guilty for overdoing the use of the gym, I have decided to remember that 'more gym' does not mean 'better health.' Overexercising can be detrimental to one's health, especially women (so I've learned). I cannot say if I abused the gym for purposes of changing my figure, releasing stress, or maintaining good health. But I can say that I am very aware of the difference. And I choose to keep my gut, thank-you very much.

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As far as my advice is concerned, I would hope that all of the female readers can appreciate my opinions and understand that this is not throwing shade to the work-out-aholics, or face-paint-beauties. If you feel that the way you portray yourself is the epitome of beauty, then go on boo-boo, do you! But for the ladies who are striving to be what you are not, I advise you to take the time to think about what it is that makes you happy about yourself. Of course, the idea of yourself does not change overnight. In due time, it will. Just make sure you are relishing in the true beauty that you have for now. To the male readers who have managed to stay interested in reading this post, and have made it this far, remind the ladies in your life of how much you admire their beauty, INSIDE and out. It is very often that a woman does a great deal of changing herself for her male counterpart.

I do not want to give off the idea that there are some woman who fear being seen without makeup. Here are two that I admire.

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Photo Credit: Nairaland.com

                         




Thanks for reading,
MM :)