How to: Forgive (Yourself) & Forget (Them)

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Once upon a time there was girl who wanted to do serious damage to her older cousin's basketball because she was hurt by a not so long ago threat he posed to cut off all of the ribbon from the bars of her bicycle... and followed through. Devastated by how her two-wheeler looked with tape on the ends, she planned to end his life. Yes, she would do something that no other younger relative has ever thought to do before. She would commit - - - toy homicide. She kept the image of her darling ribbon plastered to the bars in her mind. She was distraught by how they remained lifeless, tucked behind the sticky contraption was imagined would make it "okay." She recalls every effort she made to save up Christmas money, Birthday money, allowance and lunch money she saved from Mixed-Meatball Monday's. Her mind rested on the fact that the action was done out of fun; he did not care. She knew, however, that the moment she sat on the back porch with a kitchen knife in hand that he would learn to care about her and the value of her treasured property.

- - - 

Whether or not it is justified, everyone has been in the position where they have done something to hurt someone else. If you're saying that you haven't, take this moment to think back to when you hit someone on the arm because they hit you first.

 Guilty yet?

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Great!

Now that we've established that every person is guilty of having wronged someone, with the intent of hurting them, let's talk about getting over the fact that you felt terrible about it afterwards. Let's reflect on that gut feeling that says, "You're an evil person." Well, remember the old saying, "Time heals?" In most cases, it does. In cases where it does not, let me offer you some comfort. 

- - - 

I am not the same young girl that I was years ago. Will I put a knife in a child's basketball now, as an adult? Of course not. Would I still put a knife in my older cousin's signed- autographed Harlem Globetrotter's basketball? Hmmm... probably not. At this point in my life, I think I'd be most likely to sell it (jk, I don't touch his stuff). Still, the point remains that I would not do the same things that I once did as a child, because I am no longer a child. Should I still feel badly about what I did, years later? Well, that depends on me. I imagine that I would be satisfied if he apologized for hurting my feelings, breaking my ribbon and saying it was done just for fun. None of that happened... at least, not the way that I wanted it to. 

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I felt terrible about it the next day, until he told me he probably deserved it after what he did to my bike, and didn't really care too much about the basketball... because his wasn't at our grandmother's house - the same place I live. He told me that his ball was at his house, meaning that my ball... well, was now gone. I like to think that I learned at a young age that karma comes around quite quickly. So... do I regret what I did? Of course... I did, but now, I don't.  

Why do I not live with it? - totally different question. Humans are emotional beings. We attribute factors like love, truth, appreciation, satisfaction, and a whole host of intangibles to our actions (also intangible). Simply put, I like to think that the way we feel is simply a reflection of how our minds are ordered and the way we choose to operate them. If I am constantly thinking about wishing to not having done what it is that I did wrong, I will never learn from my wrong actions - my wrong thinking. If I am consistently trying to distract myself from hurting that person again, I am thinking about the idea of hurting that person, which (I think) increases my chances of actually doing it. 

The answer of how not to live with regret is: 

FORGIVE (YOURSELF) and FORGET (THEM).

I never abided by this rule, as I was always a strong believer that God helps those who help themselves. My terrible logic of God assisting me to put a hole in a basketball that I thought belonged to someone else is remarkably idiotic. But since then, I've forgiven myself and forgotten what he did to bring harm to my emotions. This mantra is for those who truly want to live happily, without baggage of any sort. Trust me, no one is angry about what you did ump-teen years ago but you. 

- - -

Mom: shouting down the hallway, "Don't use it all, B." 

B: shouting back, "I won't." 

Mom closes the apartment door and enters MM. MM in tears. 

Mom: "What's wrong, Booboo?"

(L to R) MM, B

MM: "B took off all the ribbons from my new bike."

Mom: "Did he-"

MM: "I popped his ball."

Mom: "Why would you?-"

MM: "I'm sorry."

Mom: "Tell him." 

MM: "Where is he?" 

Mom: "Look out the window."

MM motions to the window where she can have an immediate view of the driveway. She can see B (her older cousin) carefully applying tape to the torn ribbons from her bicycle. Still, she is saddened by the weight of the deflated basketball in her hand. 

Without moving her eyes away from her cousin, MM beckons her mother

MM: "Do you have a pump?" 

- - -

Live happy,

MM :)

Character: The Healthy Couch Potato

I am not a health professional. I am not certified as an assistant, associate nor an advanced note-taker for any health professional. I am, however, a person who has chosen to live a healthy lifestyle, an avid reader of health articles, and a follower of many health Instagram accounts. With a resume like this, I think it's okay for me to go on the following rant.

For those of you who believe that 'healthy' is a word to be tossed around, I would like to be the

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first officially non-offical expert to tell you that it should not be. It is a word that many people take lightly. I've heard it roll off the tongue of a woman who praised her accomplishment of renewing her gym membership in January (along with the rest of the world... every year). She is also the same woman I have yet to see in the gym since the 3rd of that month. I've watched it ooze from the mouth that was being shared with the mushed beef and cheese that was being chewed from a man who said he would start being healthy the following day, and I'm pretty sure that never happened. I've listened to the overly skinny girl who claimed a healthy lifestyle was her forte, yet was certain of her vomiting spree that she thought was kept behind closed doors. I've been around it all. In my day, I may have used it loosely, too. But now, I wouldn't dare!

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So, to my dear person who wishes to see changes in themselves without doing the hard work; to the individual who desires a tight body but refuses to change their diet; the too cheap person who wants to claim #TeamOrganic, #TeamFit, #TeamUpInTheGymJustWorkin'OnMyFitness, #TeamYouWasn'tWithMeWhileIWasShootin'InTheGym, #Team2pack, #Team4pack, #Team6pack, #HardWork, #HardBody, #MyBodysBetterThanYourBody,
#ILoveMySpirulinaMan (this is a shout-out! xoxo), #NothingWithoutMyWaterGallon (ok, I'll stop, xoxo), but are not motivated, determined, or fired up enough about making it happen, I suggest you think about if you really want to rep #TeamMickeyD's, #TeamDiabetes, #Team2Heavy, #TeamHeartAttack, and #TeamProcrastination.

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Now, are many people fine the way they are? Yes! Is this fine? Well, duh. But this one is for the people who talk but don't walk, who claim to be things they are not... fakes. All I'm saying is, if you're about that life, then be about it. It doesn't go both ways.


** Yeah. This thing right here - >> (see image), is a BIG no-no. It doesn't work that way. Sorry (not-sorry).


Remember, you owe it to yourself to be a better you.

Best,
MM :)

Dating The Family

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I'm going out on a date and my mother tells me to bring her food. I don't think anything of her request until, days later, I realize that she's asked me to bring her back food from my dates numerous times before. It got me thinking: Is she under the impression that the person I am dating must be able to please her too with his taste in meals, too? For a second, I tried not to take myself too seriously. Then I came to the conclusion that my mother truly believed that she was dating the guy too. I mean, when I really thought about it, she had always been curious as to where we were going, if it was a group or just us, and how much he spent. Looking back, I took these questions as nothing to be concerned with since she simply seemed as curious as any of my girlfriends. Then I remember: this is my mom. There had to be more behind it.

When family members become inquisitive (the nice way of saying 'nosey') about who I'm spending the majority of my time with, I find it to be annoying. Deep down I know that they are simply being protective and showing that they care. For that reason, I have no issues with saying who my friends are, their plans and mine for the day to 'authoritative figures.' However, when it comes to my personal life, I've always wondered when it would be best to draw the line. Checking in from their perspective, I guess, the guy I'm dating matters to them because there may be potential for a future with him and I, essentially making him family.

*** Yes, I'm jumping to conclusions about this, but I think it's okay for now. These hypotheticals are intended to force me to plan accordingly.

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To keep it short (and get to the point), I'd like to draw a conclusion: be careful of who you decide to date because they will be dating the entire family. Everyone has experienced meeting the parents of their significant other, and everyone knows that its important to make a good impression. You want them to approve of your dating so things can continue to sail smoothly. Fair enough. While this is something that many people consider a private matter and tend to only think about the daters, I would like to make a point that nothing is ever 100% secret anymore (especially if you are like me and are sharing an apartment with family). They (family) talk. Know that when you are dating someone, you are dating their family. Be careful. Likewise, when you marry someone that you are marrying inTO the family. As long as 'you' is a 'we,' then 'us' is the only pronoun you'll be using for a while.

Good luck!

Best,
MM :)

Communication Is Key

Journeying to England has been a pleasure! There is a great history in Bath that has for a long time been unknown to me. My aspirations as a writer have encouraged my curiosity. Jane Austen and her stories fill my eyes - no longer attached to the pages - and paint the film of a lifestyle worthy of being acknowledged. I wonder if I was born in to the wrong times... Literature and writing courses have taken a great deal of my attention away from those I love, whom I left, overseas. Without being too distant from my immersion, and forgetting the home from which I came, I have come to know communication to be the key. In honor of JA, I have written letters to those who have helped me.

  

#3 - Cell Phone

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Honest Phone,

You have made me pay a cost so high, I cannot bear to manage the sight of your absence. Even the slightest idea of our distance brings trauma - a paranoia unexplained. Unfathomable to feel the layers of fabric that lies within the basket to be my pocket, and not feel your rough and sturdy build sitting snuggily in between. Impossible for me to be absentminded in the positioning of your stand. Much terror you bring. Who knew what responsibilities could weigh the psyche, being such a small thing! I am astonished, still, at the price that I have to pay, but you will be put to use, as I find the love of those connected worth it. 

Modestly,

MM

#2 - Skype

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Dearest Skype,

What a wonderful investment, and marvelous addition you have been to the technological world! The joys I experience from you in mid afternoon and in the later evenings. Friendly encounters keep me content. Though your own specific kind of Wifi is more likely the preference of which you are fond, I will continue to work through the dropped calls, and frequent interjections of surveying matters. You keep me smiling, granting me the possibility to see those far away feel, right here, at home. 

Contentedly,

MM

#1- Email

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Sweetest Email,

Conveniently placed at the tips of my fingers. Press a button. Another. Tempting to not stop as it is. With much to say and an indefinite amount of space. You limit me none, and want only time in return. An affair with the letters, black key and screen. Knowledgeable of all I do not say. You know me all to well by now. Letters of intimacy and notes of joy transport to the other end in an instant. How could I find fault in such immediacy!  Congratulations on your accomplishment of being my number one of choice. 

Happily, 

MM