Character: A Bad Boss

I know that I am not the only person who has worked for someone that they don't quite favor. But I've had an experience that made me feel like I was a slave to the mafia. Has that ever happened to you? This is a bad boss.

Photo Credit: meshon.com

Someone who pays you less than you deserve, should earn, and are qualified to make. Someone who tries to get you to empathize with their personal situation as to better inform you of why you are in your situation, and ensure you that as long as their stars aren't aligned, yours won't be either. The kind of person to train you for great customer service, then call you a "newbie" in front of your clients. The kind of person that boasts about their success in public but cries in private. This one claims professional standards through-and-through but turns their head when an employee is in need of personal time. I'm talking about possessing all the qualities of a dictator but preaches the book of democracy. I'm referring to the denials of vacation time, threats to your position and immediate removal if services (not stated in "contract") are undone. In short, the only person who fully deserves to hear every one of their employees say, "I quit."

Best,
MM :)

Character: The Good "Bad" Boy

Photo Credit: Google

He's attractive: Tall, dark and handsome... working a good job (maybe even owns his own business), young and living with his parents (but has a nice agreement worked out where he's pulling his share), drives a car... a really nice car, and wants to spend time with you, but as a side chick. Damn!

It is almost guaranteed that in a world where the population is constantly rising that every girl will meet a few bad guys. I'm not talking about motorcycle, cigarette in hand, James Dean kind of bad, but I'm talking about the "he's going to give you everything you want, and give you everything in return at a price you can afford but should not be willing to pay" breed of bad. This guy can live and breathe luxury, eat and sleep hard-work, piss and shit golden bricks and have the ability to hand you the world on a silver platter... to share.

Photo Credit: Google

---

I don't think I need to say anymore than: I urge women to do better when it comes to men. I saw an article of a woman kissing the stomach of another woman who was pregnant... with her boyfriend. I though that threesomes lasted no more than an hour, never more than a year. This was their lifestyle, and though I'm being very judgmental, it was terrible to watch. To know that women give up hope on finding love, refuse to drop the dead weights and move on to something better because that is what they deserve is unfortunate. Don't let a man change your mind around to the point where he has you doing tricks for him.

Don't waste your time, ladies. Everything that glitters isn't always gold.


Best,
MM :)

Character: The Black White Girl

Photo Credit: Style-abuse.blogspot.com

I am more entertained by the lifespan of this label than I am by its application to me. Living in Newark wasn't the best, but I made it through, and out. That's right! At age 14, I was in boarding school. Contrary to public belief, I was not sent away to a military camp, nor was I being punished because I was uncontrollable. I went, voluntarily, because I had the potential to be even greater than what my elementary school teachers already saw inside of me. I loved reading and writing, singing and acting, dancing and jumping rope. Going to high school, that all stayed the same, but coming home on vacations - to Newark - was different, as my friends and family, on numerous occasions, could no longer recognize me to be the same person who left. I was the Oreo; a white girl in a black girl's body.

My tone of voice sounded different because it had changed. According to the a cappella group that would not accept me my first year due to my raspy-soloist voice, I needed to blend in with the rest of the girls. Joining a choir of predominately white students did the trick! I was a black-pure vocals kind of girl. Any chance of me being like Jazmine Sullivan was suddenly out of the question. My enunciation was noticeable amongst people at home and I could tell that it made some uneasy. You could hear it in my words that I wanted all consonants and vowels to be heard. And thats hur-d, with a capital D. I played sports unknown to many in my neighborhood. Squash was the one that caught them all out of left field. No one knew Squash to be a thing other than a vegetable that was never on sale at the local Shoprite unless it was during the Thanksgiving holiday can-can sale. I had added so many changes to the scaffolding that I originally left home with to the point where no one seemed to understand me.

Clearly, I am not Caucasian. I never have been, nor will I ever be. I missed that opportunity at birth when the DNA from my parents came out 100% A-American. The thing is also that I do not have the desire to be anything other than what I am. But, to the girl who is confused about who she is.. yes: the black white girl....

Photo Credit: Google

Realize that you come from a line of beautiful people who would be highly offended if you had any desire to be anything else. Yes, I'm talking about the girl who is clearly not mixed, but uses gel at any chance she can get to twirl a curl that she got from doing a two-strand twist and calls it natural. I'm talking about the girl who praises Starbucks coffee when deep down, she's a Mcdonald's 99 cent coffee kind of girl. I'm talking about the one who says "like" 25 million times in a sentence, knowing damn well that it doesn't take that long to get one thought together. I'm talking about the girl who has a deep accent from the Caribbean and says that it is only attributed to her parents frequent 'visits' to the place, and not because that is where she is from. I'm talking about the girl who wears labels to defend the theory of her whiteness to impress others rather than the OldNavy bargains her parent's saved up for. The girl who feels entitled. The girl who hides her curves, and only socializes with one race. The girl who is so deep into her own lies that she actually believes she's pulling it off. FYI, this is not me. To the girl who is, please wake up and know that at the end of the day, everyone else can see the difference.

Best,
MM :)

Character: The Unprofessional Professional

You network with someone and they turn out to be the complete opposite of what you thought they were. Here's the example:

Photo Credit: theicecream.org 

They brag about their past accolades, which intrigues you upon initial contact, so you give them an extra five minutes to see where the conversation may lead. When they start talking about what makes them different from other people in their field, you think that you've struck gold and found a person who understands professionalism like you do because all of the things that make them unique are all of the things that you have been seeking in another individual to work with/for. The fact that they cannot seem to take a breath in between their listings of awful past experiences with other posing professionals is thrilling because it's almost as if you've found your career twin- one who knows exactly what it is that you, too, have gone through and would never want to experience ever again. You drown out their voice for a second to think back to the beginning of your interaction, and start to rate the firmness of their grip of their handshake, the truthfulness that lies in their making eye contact with you at all times, the accuracy for the pattern of pleats in her skirt or the accuracy of the tailor's work on the pants of his suit, the brilliance in their dental cleaning, and the way in which their body language screamed "I am Harvey Spector" or "I am Jessica Pearson" in a sway that only a smooth, New York lawyer can pull off on his best day at work. By the time you've zoned back into the conversation, you're being handed a business card and invited to experience their services. You wait for the moment you need them the most - just so that they know that you aren't desperate.

Photo Credit: workopolis.com

The day finally comes... and they are late, unkempt, unclean - yes, their office/work space is untidy, unacceptable, and above all... (need I say it?)... unprofessional. They give excuses for everything: their alarm clock was either set to the wrong time or didn't go off at all, their pet needed attention for the first time in the 12 years since they adopted it, their hair situation is a result of rushing and not having been able to take a complete shower, as if to say that taking a half shower is even possible! Their breakfast was nonexistent, which left their stomach practically begging for McDonalds, Dunkin' Donuts, or some cheap, fast-food meal that would hold them over until they were finished with you, because their appetite is of the kind that eats too frequently, and medication has to be taken with food. Speaking of!... the medication has them all over the place emotionally, which is probably why they are disheveled, funky and did I mention, unprofessional?

Photo Credit: littleguymlm.com

When you are working with a professional, these things never happen. I repeat: NEVER happen. So, unless you are ready to take ownership of your own brand and have placed your business as a priority over everything, let's be careful with using the term, 'professional' because there is only one way to 'do professional.' And if you're not doing it right, don't claim to be doing it at all.

Best,
MM :)

It's Too Hard To Be Thankful

Photo Credit: Discovery Research Group

We never worry about our health until it is ours that is on the line. Have you ever noticed that our health is never our own concern until the potential for the worse is staring us in the face? We become the most grateful people in the world once our bad situation has turned around for the better, but are very eager to forget the heartfelt emotions that reminded us of what it meant to be thankful. Man is not consistent. Will we ever be?

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I'm guilty and I know it. I was recently sick and in need of care. I went to the doctor's office, received my medication, and naturally, went home crying because I thought that I was dying. Yes people, I disregarded the fact that my diagnosis was not life-threatening and still went home and cried my eyes out, while eating ice cream and watching Law & Order reruns because I just knew that the doctor was SO wrong, and my self-diagnosis, from which I (the more of a professional than my doctor) received from WebMD was more accurate. Typical, no? 

Photo Credit: Mancard.com

Anyway, for over a week, I panicked like no other. This panic was not like any other, this panic involved me having nightmares of my funeral, yelling at my boyfriend because he wasn't fixing the problem (even though he was VERY instrumental in trying to figure out ways to fix the problem, in addition to the medication that I received), crying for no reason or simply because I thought it was so long since I last cried and was, therefore, overdue for another good cry, and overeating (but this is not surprising - I like food). Tests were sent out and results finally came back, and they were 100% certain that I was going to live. I hung up the phone and felt miserable. 

I do not know if it was a question of my faith that got me messed up or if it was simply my reaction to the entire situation. Shouldn't I have known that it wasn't my time to leave the Earth, even after the doctor reported that my life was never being threatened by anything that wasn't curable? Aren't I suppose to feel ashamed/guilty for knowing that I had always taken my health for granted prior to this experience? How depressing it was to know that I may even do it again! 

Welcome to PeopleSuck101! 

It has been a difficult reality to embrace. Am I actually selfish? Do I even know how to be thankful? Am I really thankful for something if I forget about what it is I was thankful for, moments/days/years later? How many times of saying, "Thank-you" is enough? What does it really mean? 

Photo Credit: Flicker.com

I was starting to think that "thanks," and "thank-yous" were fillers similar to "really," "actually," "literally," "simply," "very," and the rest of the words that take up a lot of space on a first-year academic paper. I've said the word numerous times throughout my 21 years of living, but I have never said it enough times in one sitting to the point that it made me question what the hell it was that I kept throwing out of my mouth. Words that are often thrown around, such as "love," "hate," and "dream" don't seem to have much meaning in this day in age.  I'm almost convinced that I will add those to my list of fillers as well. (Sad day in the world of an English major). My understanding so far: it's extremely (filler alert!) hard to be thankful! 

Imagine yourself walking around showing appreciation all the time... EXHAUSTING, right? 

Photo Credit: Deliciouslydarlingevents.com

Now, I am not saying that I know the cure for injecting purpose back into these terms. What I am saying, however, is that there may still be hope. Everything starts with a thought. These, my thoughts/reflections, are now yours. Being that thoughts turn into actions, and actions yield change, I trust that sooner or later the world can potentially (there's another filler!) have a better grip on what it means to be thankful, to love, to hate, to dream. 

Use you words wisely people. 

Let's all try to #DoBetter with being thankful for the blessings we have. 

Best,

MM :)

Nature Knows Best

It's a rare occasion if you catch me off-guard by anything. Some things, maybe - but that's a huge maybe. Due to my awareness and ability to command what lies ahead, I often find myself being told that I'm over-planning, over-thinking, and even overdoing certain things. My reaction: "Well uh! I want to ensure that what it is that I expect actually happens." Applying this to my academic career has not proven to be a terrible habit. My plannings and thinkings and doings have all contributed to my many successes in school, placing me in a great position for when I graduate. Applying this to my personal life may have not been the best idea I've ever had. And yes, I'm admitting this with a smile.

- - -

I am not too open to everyone about my personal life, but there is something to be said about what I have learned so far. Granted, I have learned a lot from the people I've dated, but I think that much is owed to one person in particular.. who will remain nameless for privacy purposes.

Photo Credit: Google

I recently read about how 20 something year old women tend to think and act like 30 something year old women. In essence, we plan out what it is that we want from life, and expect that each person who is in our life should act according to the plans that we have for ourselves. We rarely stop to think about what role it is that the other people wish to play in our lives, whether they be present for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. We plan, too far in advance, our weddings and house blueprints and funerals before we've ever had date number 3, money for the current month's rent or a diagnosis. Our thinking is beyond what is in front of us. While it is always awesome to plan ahead, I've learned how important it is to live in 'today.'

Check out the article from Elite Daily here: http://elitedaily.com/women/20-something-women-need-stop-thinking-like-30-something-women/634789/ 

I spent a great deal of time worried about my future because I wanted to be sure that nothing got in the way of what it is that I wanted. I, like many others, was always taught to have backup plans because I should always expect that things will not go the way I intended. Growing up as a single child, however - and an intelligent one at that - I made sure that I worked hard enough to get what it was that my heart desired. Being an adult, I thought it should work not differently than it did before. So, in vocalizing my future plans to my partner in casual conversation, I learned a lot about the person as well as myself. While I have yet to decide whether or not I was ready to learn these things, I am certain that I am happy the conversation was had.

During the conversation, ultimately, I learned where my partner viewed as his 'finish line' in life; the place he would consider himself after having been deemed a success by his own standards. I learned what beliefs my partner had for himself, in comparison to mine and realized that a lot of things can change over a one-year time span (Note: we had this conversation before and I recognized the differences in responses). Now, I will not say that the stars must be aligned and by the end of the conversation we realized we were made for each other - because that's definitely not seeming to be the case - BUT! I will say that the conversation about future plans, and the drastic differences in our responses since the first time we conversed showed me that it isn't necessary to be too detailed with the plans that you make for yourself.

Photo Credit: Izquotes.com

I wanted to be a singer as a little girl, then an actress, then a fashion designer, then a detective, then a teacher, then Beyonce, then a rich woman working for a Fortune 500 company, and then my aspirations to be other people simply stopped. I kept changing directions based on who I thought would be good for me to emulate. Not so long ago, I committed myself to a new profession, life-long goal that was not too detailed, and would only have a positive affect on the people in my life, whether they were in it for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I committed myself to being happy. 

Yup, it's as simple as that.

Photo Credit: Google

Will I think of the next step to take in my life as I pass milestones? Of course. Will I plan the next step with my partner in mind? Probably not. The article was right about this: Your 20's are suppose to be about freedom to do what it is that make you happy. And if you are not completely sold on the person who is occupying the place next to you, or if the person does not seem completely certain that the two of you are moving int he same direction, or (in short), if there is any doubt about anything, I would not plan with that person in mind. Move forward with life making the most of it.

Remember that Nature Knows Best: what is meant to be will always be.


Best to all the ladies,

MM :)

Celeb Special: Blue Ivy's Hair

I have seen this come up online a number of times and I think if Tamar Braxton, Syleena Johnson, and KeKe Wyatt (celebrities who are, clearly, too involved in the parenting lives of the Carters) can comment on this child's hair, than why can't I? Well, as to not stoop too low, I will not be doing that here. I will, however, make a comment on the situation.

Tamar Braxton, Syleena Johnson and Keke Wyatt's comments here: 

http://cocoafab.com/keke-wyatt-syleena-johnon-tamar-braxton-throw-shade-at-blue-ivys-hair/

Photo Credit: Google

It started here: one of the first published photos of a young Blue Ivy Carter being held by her daddy, Sean Carter (Jay-Z). Her face is priceless and her cheeks are scrumptious. Her hair? Um... Let's say it's not what the media expected from the child of ga-gillionaires.

The criticisms continued as there seemed to be a trend of unkempt hairstyles in her future, considering the "sloppiness" of her hairstyles past. Media wanted it to stop, and headlines made crude remarks about the child's appearance. And if that wasn't enough, they blamed Jay-Z and Beyonce for bad parenting. (Yes, that was definitely an *gasp* OMG moment).

Photo Credit: Google

People thought it a fabulous idea to zoom in on her head when taking photos, and actually expect her parents to comment on their harsh words about their daughter. Talks about African-American all-natural hair was already being discussed on the internet, but the emphasis of her 'nappy' head shined a bad light on the entire idea (at least, for children). 

I am more than disappointed by the fact that other celebrities, reportedly, petitioned with other civilians to have the Carters do something about their daughters appearance. 

*SideVent: Theses people have never even touched Blue's hair! Looks can be deceiving. Her hair texture may just be extra thick*

It was only yesterday that I wrote a blog post about the way the media imposes themselves upon the minds of young girls, and here is a great example of this disgusting cycle at work. 

To the women, and MOTHERS, TB and KW, along with the others who made up this stupid petition: I expected more. To the females who are pregnant, carrying young ladies, I hope you know what values you wish to teach because the moment they take their first breath, there is a world out there waiting to criticize them. 

View petition here: http://www.change.org/petitions/blue-ivy-comb-her-hair 

Photo Credit: KickUSA.com

It is clearer, now more than ever, that females play a heavy role in initiating, and continuing this cycle of defining beauty. While women are motivated for a variety of reasons to alter their looks, it is the female community that pressures other females, who are not following the 'rules of beauty' to succumb to the 'norm.' Blue Ivy is, at most, two years old right now, and is being bombarded with this. I have yet to see a photo of her and her hair that shows that the Carters pay any attention to it. And you know, I hope I never do. Keeping her away from this mess is best, and is what I would do if I were her mother. She is wayyyyy to young to be poisoned with words and photos and makeup brushes. Let her watch Barney in peace! 

To Blue, more power to you, honey!  

Best,

MM :)

Character: The Healthy Couch Potato

I am not a health professional. I am not certified as an assistant, associate nor an advanced note-taker for any health professional. I am, however, a person who has chosen to live a healthy lifestyle, an avid reader of health articles, and a follower of many health Instagram accounts. With a resume like this, I think it's okay for me to go on the following rant.

For those of you who believe that 'healthy' is a word to be tossed around, I would like to be the

Photo Credit: Getentered.com

first officially non-offical expert to tell you that it should not be. It is a word that many people take lightly. I've heard it roll off the tongue of a woman who praised her accomplishment of renewing her gym membership in January (along with the rest of the world... every year). She is also the same woman I have yet to see in the gym since the 3rd of that month. I've watched it ooze from the mouth that was being shared with the mushed beef and cheese that was being chewed from a man who said he would start being healthy the following day, and I'm pretty sure that never happened. I've listened to the overly skinny girl who claimed a healthy lifestyle was her forte, yet was certain of her vomiting spree that she thought was kept behind closed doors. I've been around it all. In my day, I may have used it loosely, too. But now, I wouldn't dare!

Photo Credit: Uga.edu

So, to my dear person who wishes to see changes in themselves without doing the hard work; to the individual who desires a tight body but refuses to change their diet; the too cheap person who wants to claim #TeamOrganic, #TeamFit, #TeamUpInTheGymJustWorkin'OnMyFitness, #TeamYouWasn'tWithMeWhileIWasShootin'InTheGym, #Team2pack, #Team4pack, #Team6pack, #HardWork, #HardBody, #MyBodysBetterThanYourBody,
#ILoveMySpirulinaMan (this is a shout-out! xoxo), #NothingWithoutMyWaterGallon (ok, I'll stop, xoxo), but are not motivated, determined, or fired up enough about making it happen, I suggest you think about if you really want to rep #TeamMickeyD's, #TeamDiabetes, #Team2Heavy, #TeamHeartAttack, and #TeamProcrastination.

Photo Credit: GravityTrainingZone

Now, are many people fine the way they are? Yes! Is this fine? Well, duh. But this one is for the people who talk but don't walk, who claim to be things they are not... fakes. All I'm saying is, if you're about that life, then be about it. It doesn't go both ways.


** Yeah. This thing right here - >> (see image), is a BIG no-no. It doesn't work that way. Sorry (not-sorry).


Remember, you owe it to yourself to be a better you.

Best,
MM :)

Trust Your Gut

Photo Credit: Google

From a young age (nowadays), females are being brainwashed with images of what it means to be an attractive person. While the personality, intelligence, and lifelong aspirations are pushed on the back burner, appearance seems to be the only thing that matters. While I am apart of this generation that emphasizes the importance of keeping up with the Jones' (anyone labeled as a model, mentioned in the media, celebrities, etc.),  I have come to realize that this is not all that matters. Okay... well, I've known this for a while. My reasons for writing this blog post is due to my recent interest in physical beauty resurfacing.

I was teased as a middle-schooler because I was pretty, but my body wasn't built like a black girls.  (Sadly, it began then). I didn't care until it became the trend in high school as well. You needed an athletic build to get attention. (Let's not act as if wanting attention was bad). High school flew by and college came. Somewhere between those two milestones, make-up became the biggest craze. Naturally, I wanted that too. I had never been so critical of myself. When I look back on it, it's a complete turn off. I wore more make-up to my high school graduation than ever before... but I liked it. I was complimented on it. I couldn't see what they saw, but I liked how it felt, and that's all that mattered... I should've did a bit more reflection back then because it must have been a reason I never ordered graduation photos.

Present day and I have not worn foundation, concealer, eye liner, powder, blush, eye shadow, or lip gloss in about 3 months. I've decided my natural face is all that's necessary and here's why:

I looked online and found a ton of imagine of beautiful women who are considered role models for today's females. From models, actresses, music artists, to CEO's and the like; all of them have outstanding profiles and inspiring stories. The media's way of bashing them, however, is by posting photos of women without make-up, fresh cuts/weaves, and open toed sandals with no nail polish. I mean, everyone has their off days, so why are we in total shock if they have them too? Why must a woman be deemed unattractive if she wears the make-up she was born with? What is the value of an hour-glass figure in comparison to one that is built like a pear, apple, orange, or mango (whatever that looks like) - You get my point, right? Just look at the chart.

Photo Credit: Google

If not, here it is: I do not want to promote the overuse of make-up or physical appearance. The keyword: OVERUSE. Too much of anything can hurt you. Does this mean I will never wear make-up again? Of course not. Though I have not used them in a while, I love my Sue Devitt and Juice Beauty lines (JB is organic, by the way- GREAT for skin). I simply will not promote the daily use of it. Will I never workout again? This too is rhetorical. But for those who wish to receive an answer - No. While I am guilty for overdoing the use of the gym, I have decided to remember that 'more gym' does not mean 'better health.' Overexercising can be detrimental to one's health, especially women (so I've learned). I cannot say if I abused the gym for purposes of changing my figure, releasing stress, or maintaining good health. But I can say that I am very aware of the difference. And I choose to keep my gut, thank-you very much.

- - -

As far as my advice is concerned, I would hope that all of the female readers can appreciate my opinions and understand that this is not throwing shade to the work-out-aholics, or face-paint-beauties. If you feel that the way you portray yourself is the epitome of beauty, then go on boo-boo, do you! But for the ladies who are striving to be what you are not, I advise you to take the time to think about what it is that makes you happy about yourself. Of course, the idea of yourself does not change overnight. In due time, it will. Just make sure you are relishing in the true beauty that you have for now. To the male readers who have managed to stay interested in reading this post, and have made it this far, remind the ladies in your life of how much you admire their beauty, INSIDE and out. It is very often that a woman does a great deal of changing herself for her male counterpart.

I do not want to give off the idea that there are some woman who fear being seen without makeup. Here are two that I admire.

Photo Credit: Google

Photo Credit: Nairaland.com

                         




Thanks for reading,
MM :)

I Want A Dog

Photo Credit: Wikimedia

Here's a random thought: I want a dog. My animal-keeper resume isn't the best, but I must admit that all of my attempts to keep and animal happy have been pretty memorable. I've owned a few fish, found a cat... lost a cat, adopted a dog, was gifted a hermit crab, and there was even that one time I owned a kitten for 19.7 hours. Like I said, my track record isn't the best. Still, I think I deserve another chance.

I want a dog that is as cute as a the Brussels Griffon, but as sharp as a German Shephard. It should be able to snuggle like a Havanese, but snappy like a Chihuahua. I want nothing huge. Some dogs have a tendency to look like their distant relatives - the wolf - and I refuse to walk into my house afraid of my own pet. I don't need a full breed, even though that would be nice, but would definitely like something classy. I've seen a ton of dogs lately and started to think that a dog would be perfect for me.

The only problem is... well, convincing "Someone" to get one.

Social Cost Of Pornography

Photo Credit: Google

Scenario: Girlfriend finds porn on her Boyfriend's computer, phone, bookshelf, trunk, shoebox underneath the bed, wallet, closet, DVD player and dresser drawer on different occasions. She's upset because she feels that he is, after having looked at so much porn, going to expect so much of her sexually. Now, it's not that homegirl is not confident in her skills to please him, but that she is just not into the kind of stuff that porn promotes. Years later, they marry. Same woman, now called a wife, confronts husband about his obsession with porn because she 'senses' that the porn overdose will make them emotionally distant from each other because she believes that porn is a fake imitation of intimacy that will, inevitably, cause a problem in their marriage. Husband says, "Not really."

I know that his statement was a bit of a dull ending, but it's the response that ends many conversations, unless you are of a violent breed who gets the last word by making sure that the other person is forever silenced. Is this particular scenario fabricated? Yes. It is true? Definitely.

- - - 

I overheard a woman in the book store who was complaining to her boyfriend, and following the context clues, I concluded that it was about his interest in looking at the literature he chose to browse in the 'Mature' reading section. Being the sleuth that I am, I walked by to see their faces. The woman was a young, soon-to-be mother, and her partner (I imagine) was no more than 24. He reached for a book that had the cover of Asa Akira on it. If you are not familiar with who she is, I suggest googling her under a private browser. The woman's comments sounded like this, in variation, of course:

"Who would even buy that?" ... "Why are you looking at that?" ... "Is this necessary?" ... "What does this mean for us" ... "Would you want your daughter's boyfriend looking at that instead of her?"                                                                    

  (The last one was how I knew they were related)

Women have a tendency to believe that a man in possession of porn is, somehow, cheating on his relationship with her. Well, I'll tell you right now... I am still uncertain if this is the case. What I do know, however, is that if there is something that two people in a relationship do not agree on, and one person is not willing to be open-minded, or change, then there is little hope for survival. Two addicts in love will always stay in love as long as they never get clean. Is porn addicting? To some.

To the lady whose conversation I heard at B&N last night, I recommend reading up on what Asa Akira is doing if you feel so inclined to believe that he's risking your relationship. Watch, read or listen to it with him. While there must be something about porn that he is attracted to, there is also something about you, my dear, that he loves. Don't be quick to take offense to this late night book browsing at night.


On another note: Do you think that there is a social cost to viewing pornography? What's at risk? Who suffers?


Let me know & comment below.

Best,
MM :)

English Literature: #WhyItDoesn'tWork

I've spent years in school taking Honors English courses, assisting students in writing and editing papers, reading magazines and 'classic' English literature, kept a journal and a blog, then took a trip to London to get 'cultured,' and I still don't have a job. Honestly, I pray to God that this diploma that I'm working for is the golden ticket that I need to get a good job to start some sort of career that won't have me begging on the streets. When you think hard enough about it, school is a business, and the student is the client. As a client who has invested a great deal in their services, and is still under-qualified for every job opening in the professional world, leaving me with an 'unemployed' status, I'm learning that there are a few downfalls to being in school.

Photo Credit: The Traveling Squid

Now wait! I am not saying that education is not something that I value. What I am saying, however, is that the primary means for which we are having to attain the education sets us up for... very little. 

You must either believe in luck, have a network of high-profile people, or be related to anyone who works in the position you wish to be in for people to even consider taking a look at your resume. I was told by a professional at my school that by taking classes, reading books, writing articles, networking and patience is all that was needed for me to land the perfect job that allows me to do what it is that I want to do with my degree: write for a company who needs a writer. Unfortunately, every person I've spoken to who works as a writer has told me that the last thing that I need to do is take more classes in English literature. Apparently, the classics are not a bit of help in the professional world of writing. That's right! Austen, Bronte, Wilde, Shakespeare, Ibsen, etc. are doing nothing for me. I'm starting to see the textbooks as supplementary goods to the overall product (a college education). "So... what good are they?" I ask. 

Photo Credit: Google

I'm learning to be more open to the word 'alternative,' especially since most things have not gone as planned since the end of the last school year. I have had to come up with different ways to occupy my mind, make money, make time then divide it amongst the people I care about. I have had to become creative with my plans for the future. I have used resources, ones that my school librarians would not recommend (like Google), to research ideas on how to make the most of the time that I have while I'm not in a classroom. 

As I mentally prepare myself to reenter the dreaded room of individual seats and creaking desks, I challenge you think of new ways to invent the life that you wish to live. Imagine a world where books were the only teachers, and all knowledge was simply handed from the author, then you went into the world more informative than whence you began. Imagine a time where you were your own teacher: the world (exotic countries, cities, etc.) would be your textbooks, interactions would be your projects, the amount of friendships you accumulated would be your grades, and the constant enhancement of happiness would be your pay. 

Photo Credit: NBC

See, I told you I believe that education is important, but I feel it needs to be redefined. Formal education has turned into a means for reinforcing social hierarchies. The flaw is in the whole ranking system, however, being that some people are simply bad test takers and grades will, therefore, never reflect the amount of knowledge they have acquired from a particular course. My point? Every thing is not always as it appears. I mean, my English literature classes had syllabi with a whole host of 'great' authors listed next to the names of the texts I'd be reading. I'm sure no one fathomed that they would only end up being of most use to me by being sold on Amazon. 

Question everything people.

Best,

MM :)

Dating The Family

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I'm going out on a date and my mother tells me to bring her food. I don't think anything of her request until, days later, I realize that she's asked me to bring her back food from my dates numerous times before. It got me thinking: Is she under the impression that the person I am dating must be able to please her too with his taste in meals, too? For a second, I tried not to take myself too seriously. Then I came to the conclusion that my mother truly believed that she was dating the guy too. I mean, when I really thought about it, she had always been curious as to where we were going, if it was a group or just us, and how much he spent. Looking back, I took these questions as nothing to be concerned with since she simply seemed as curious as any of my girlfriends. Then I remember: this is my mom. There had to be more behind it.

When family members become inquisitive (the nice way of saying 'nosey') about who I'm spending the majority of my time with, I find it to be annoying. Deep down I know that they are simply being protective and showing that they care. For that reason, I have no issues with saying who my friends are, their plans and mine for the day to 'authoritative figures.' However, when it comes to my personal life, I've always wondered when it would be best to draw the line. Checking in from their perspective, I guess, the guy I'm dating matters to them because there may be potential for a future with him and I, essentially making him family.

*** Yes, I'm jumping to conclusions about this, but I think it's okay for now. These hypotheticals are intended to force me to plan accordingly.

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To keep it short (and get to the point), I'd like to draw a conclusion: be careful of who you decide to date because they will be dating the entire family. Everyone has experienced meeting the parents of their significant other, and everyone knows that its important to make a good impression. You want them to approve of your dating so things can continue to sail smoothly. Fair enough. While this is something that many people consider a private matter and tend to only think about the daters, I would like to make a point that nothing is ever 100% secret anymore (especially if you are like me and are sharing an apartment with family). They (family) talk. Know that when you are dating someone, you are dating their family. Be careful. Likewise, when you marry someone that you are marrying inTO the family. As long as 'you' is a 'we,' then 'us' is the only pronoun you'll be using for a while.

Good luck!

Best,
MM :)